Relationships

6 Ways to Build and Sustain Healthy Relationships

“A friendship is not just something you have; it’s something you do.” Healthy relationships take effort. Here, ADDitude readers share their tips for fostering strong connections.

By ADDitude Editors, Updated on May 7, 2025
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The sometimes unpredictable ebb and flow of people entering and leaving our lives may baffle us, triggering symptoms of rejection sensitive dysphoria, social anxiety, and loneliness. This is true for at least 20% of adults with ADHD, who said they were dissatisfied or extremely dissatisfied with their current relationships and friendships in a recent ADDitude survey. On the flip side, one-quarter of respondents reported satisfaction or extreme satisfaction with their partners and friends.

We asked respondents to share the strategies and resources they have used that could help other adults with ADHD build solid and healthy relationships. Read their responses below.

1. Build an App Habit

Dating and friendship apps made finding, strengthening, and maintaining connections possible for a subset of respondents.

“I started using the Marco Polo app to send little video messages to friends when I think about them or have something funny or interesting to share. We can view each other’s messages at our convenience. There’s no expectation of an immediate response or acknowledgment with the people I’m messaging.”

“I love the app Paired, but both people must use it for it to work. It creates space for really good conversations.”

“ADHD Dopamine Discord is great for connecting with other neurodivergent people.”

“Finch has helped me remember to reach out and calm my anxiety.”

“I have found several friends through Bumble.”

“WhatsApp makes keeping in touch with friends much easier.”

“The Peanut App lets me find friends in the past.”

“Meetup.com has helped me a lot in making local friends.”

“It’s fun to play with friends from afar on Board Game Arena.”

“I set task reminders to reach out to people on Todoist.”

“eHarmony helped me find my husband 21 years ago.”

2. Educate Yourself

“Books and podcasts have helped me to understand things like RSD and how my ADHD affects my relationships.”

“FOREPLAY Radio: Couples & Sex Therapy podcast  is a great podcast for relationships, especially how to be in a relationship with someone who is neurodivergent.”

“I listen to The Jefferson Fisher podcast. His techniques are easy to use, as he breaks down methods that work in various social interactions.”

“The We Can Do Hard Things podcast normalizes feelings and experiences.”

“Your ADHD Besties podcast is great because its content is made by people with ADHD.”

“Spotify has many podcasts that discuss navigating adult friendships and relationships, like the ADHD Chatter podcast and BigDatingEnergy with Jeff Guenther (Therapy Jeff).”

“The Imperfects podcast helps me feel less alone and different.”

“The Secure Love Podcast: Real Time Couples Therapy with Julie Menanno is great for couples and even includes homework!”

[Get This Free Download: The ADHD Friendship Guide for Adults]

3. Maintain Treatment

One-quarter of survey respondents said regular use of prescribed ADHD medication helped with their friendships and relationships, compared to 12% who said it did not (nearly 20% were unsure if it helped).

“Medication has changed my life socially and emotionally.”

“I wait to take my meds until about two hours before doing something with others. This puts me at my most optimal state.”

“ADHD medication has significantly decreased my RSD, and I can be rational rather than sitting in negative emotions and ruminating.”

“If we are meeting up with people in an especially noisy setting and I anticipate needing to focus on multiple conversations or people, it is imperative that I take my ADHD medication.”

“ADHD medication has mostly erased my social anxiety and fear of public speaking, so it is now manageable.”

4. Enlist Professional Help

Several respondents attributed the relationship success to the services of an in-person or online licensed couples therapist (6%), family therapist (6%), or ADHD coach (2%).

“If you have the resources, go to therapy. Understanding myself better has made it easier to be in a relationship and not fall victim to avoiding conflict or ignoring my comfort.”

“My ADHD coaching group helps me to feel less alone.”

“Therapist. Therapist. Therapist.”

“DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) talks about interpersonal skills. I’m not sure it got me where I need to go, but it did break things down so I could better understand my triggers.”

“Coaching has helped me deal with RSD. Previously, RSD prevented me from contacting friends because I found it too difficult if they did not respond or did not agree to meet up.

[Read: Birds of a Feather — the Joy of Neurodivergent Friendships]

5. Lean On Loved Ones

Nearly 20% of respondents reported that their spouses, family members, and friends supported and fostered their relationships and friendships.

“My husband and I have open conversations and support one another when we struggle.”

“I have a long-term partner who understands/gets me, and we have mutual respect in our partnership.”

“During the final session of my ADHD support group, the co-leader spoke with our significant others. That was a wake-up call for my spouse. He became much more willing to make adjustments to help me cope. Also, he stopped equating my (frequent) hyperfocus with my ‘deliberately’ ignoring him (never).”

“We have a division of labor based on our strengths. My neurotypical husband does most of the daily, boring stuff, and I take care of most purchases, planning trips, crises, etc.”

6. Sign Up

Ten percent of survey respondents relied on social clubs or organizations (in-person or online) to maintain and foster their relationships.

“Ask your friends what they do regularly, then join them. One great way that I’ve found to spend time with friends is to go to their kids’ sporting events. You can support the kids and usually get a chance to chat with your friends! Or go grocery shopping together. Or walk at the gym together.”

“Connect with people as part of a hobby (e.g., join a running club, tennis club, art club, etc.). Activities that bring out my authentic self help me feel more comfortable and ‘in my element.’”

“I started doing improv classes (in-person and online). It has been a great source of community for me and provides an opportunity to exercise my creativity and spontaneity.”

“I try to accept invitations from friends to do things whenever possible, even if it’s something I wouldn’t otherwise do. They put themselves out there to invite me, and I want to honor that. Spending regular time together is important for strengthening relationships.”

“I started playing pickleball and joined the local Lions Club.”

“Get involved at church or another house of worship. Every time I commit to a ministry or group, I meet another great person or several.”

“I ‘stumbled’ into a group of people who dearly care and are committed to animals in need in our urban environment, specifically, but not only, homeless cats. This started more than six years ago, and I cannot envision my life without them (people and animals). Helping the animals and my ‘animal friends’ has moved me out of passivity, reclusion, and self-pity numerous times.”

7. Practice Acceptance

“I am coming to a place of acceptance that not everyone will understand me, and if they choose not to be in a relationship with me, that is okay and not personal.”

“If people want to be weird, flaky, dislike, or disrespect you, let them. You can’t control them, but you can control what you do about it. Don’t try to change them.”

“Treat others the way you want to be treated. Practice empathy daily. Police judgment of others and especially of yourself. Learn to love yourself first.”

“Remember that a friendship is not just something you have; it’s something you do. Relationships take effort. The more you put in, the more you get out.”

“Learn about and maintain personal boundaries; don’t compare your relationships to the perceived relationships of others.”

“Remember that any relationship is a two-way street. If I keep my side clean by communicating semi-regularly, listening as much (or more) than I’m speaking, and admitting mistakes when they arise, I am doing my part.”

ADHD and Healthy Relationships: Next Steps

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