Oppositional Behavior

“A Day in the Life of My Defiant Child”

ADDitude parents share how the behavior of their defiant children affects their family dynamics, plus the techniques they have used to cope and secure help.

By Lauren Capucci Updated on May 28, 2025
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Behavioral disorders are more common and more disruptive among ADHD families than they are among neurotypical ones. When children experience symptoms of ADHD combined with a behavior disorder, like oppositional defiant disorder or conduct disorder, that can strain their relationships with family members — inside and outside the nuclear unit.

Defiant behavior may manifest as a child easily (and frequently) losing their temper, arguing with adults because of rules, or acting out violently. Reports suggest that 40% of children with ADHD experience oppositional and/or defiant behavior. 1

[Free Download: Why Is My Child So Defiant?]

Behavioral disorders may stem from the deficits in executive functioning so commonly seen in ADHD, which can affect individuals’ abilities to plan, prioritize, and execute. All of this impacts the individual’s life — and the lives of those around them.

Family dynamics may be caught in the crossfire as children get frustrated with their caregivers, and caregivers tire of scaffolding a routine of daily tasks that their kids have difficulty sticking to, leading to nagging, frustration, and defiant behavior.

[Free Resource: Is It More Than Just ADHD?]

Studies suggest that some parenting techniques are more effective than others in addressing defiant behavior among children with ADHD, specifically. Such techniques can be especially useful in helping parents establish routines with their children.

Prescription ADHD medication used in conjunction with behavioral parent training helps many families learn how to best stem and respond to defiant behavior, as outlined in the ADDitude article, “ Why Is My Child So Angry and Defiant? An Overview of Oppositional Defiant Disorder” and in the recent webinar, “The Power of Behavioral Parent Training .”

In a recent survey, ADDitude asked its readers whether their children with ADHD displayed defiant behaviors and, if so, how those behaviors affected family dynamics. Several respondents said have felt a significant impacted and that they are struggling to develop productive and healthy responses.

Life with My Defiant Child

“Everyday, every request is a battle. A simple request such as, ‘Please brush your teeth’ or ‘Let’s finish your homework,’ turns into a fight. We are all on edge and really dread homework time, dinner time, and bedtime.”

“Having a child with ADHD often comes with some oppositional defiance challenges. Things can be going smoothly, and then, out of nowhere, something that seems minor to you can trigger a reaction, setting off a chain of events.”

“It takes a lot of mental energy to get through the days, especially when you also have ADHD and the emotional dysregulation is tough. Your other kids suffer because you are always focused on getting the child with ADHD through the day. My daughter is nearly 18, and I think we are slowly coming out the other side. It isn’t a straight path, and we have tried many different things — different schools, sports, medication, psychiatrists, psychologists. I think you just have to hold on for the ride and get through each day.”

“It is so hard. No matter what we do, our daughter pushes us away and refuses to do simple necessary activities, like brushing her teeth and getting dressed. She’s 8 years old, and I wonder if this behavior is ever going to end. It is very taxing when everyone else is ready, and we still have a defiant child refusing to get ready.”

Parenting Techniques to Address Defiant Behavior

“Both of my ADHD kids appear defiant when they are anxious and trying to control the situation, or when they feel overwhelmed. In those circumstances, they return a reflexive ‘no’ to every question before they have the chance to think about it. This has impacted our lives far less since we learned to slow down and figure out what is happening in their heads rather than let the behavior shake us.”

“Telling them to do something will never result in it getting done. You need to gently ask and convince them to do it.”

“Almost every time I ask my son to do something, even if it is something he likes or a simple request, he instinctively says no. It took a while, but I realized I could wait a few minutes for him to actually process what I said, and then gently repeat my request. He would usually have no problem complying once given the time to mentally process and transition. This break means he can communicate his thoughts, and we can discuss with cool heads.”

“My daughter has a history of oppositional defiance since a young age. It often looks like her needing to do something opposite of what we ask for the sake of being opposite. With the help of a child psychologist, we’ve worked hard as a parenting team to praise/reinforce following rules, and this has worked well to stem this behavior.”

My Defiant Child: Next Steps

View Article Sources

1 Riley M, Ahmed S, Locke A. “Common Questions About Oppositional Defiant Disorder.” American Family Physician (Apr. 2016). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/27035043