If these tired (but undying) parenting tropes trigger a hidden rage or sadness, you might have a child with ADHD. Because, no, every day should not be held dear. And some moments can’t pass by quickly enough. And accelerated maturation is typically not the problem.

The truth is that most parenting advice is bad advice for the parents of children with ADHD. Our circumstances are complicated and the solutions that work for everyone else typically just make us feel bad about ourselves. So, what does help?

[Free Download: Cheat Sheet of ADHD Discipline Strategies]

In a recent ADDitude survey, 177 parents recommended the resources that work for them — from helpful books to online tools produced by experts in the field. The tools are varied, but one benefit was universal: feeling heard, validated, and supported regarding the real, pervasive challenges associated with parenting a child with ADHD.

Readers’ most recommended books for parents included the following:

• Understanding Girls with ADHD by Kathleen Nadeau, Ph.D.; Patricia Quinn, M.D.; and Ellen Littman, Ph.D.
• The Emotional Lives of Teenagers by Lisa Damour, Ph.D.
• The ADHD Empowerment Guide by James Forgan, Ph.D. and Mary Anne
• Mindful Parenting for ADHD by Mark Bertin, M.D.
• Raising Girls Who Like Themselves by Kasey Edwards and Christopher Scanlon, Ph.D.
• Gifted and Distractible by Julie F. Skolnick, MA, JD.
• What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew by Sharon Saline, Psy.D., and Laura Markham, Ph.D.
• 14 Talks Before Age 14 by Michelle Icard
• The Price of Privilege by Madeline Levine Ph.D.
• How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
• How to Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis, LPC

[Free Parenting Guide for Moms and Dads with ADHD]

Still other parents recommended Jessica McCabe’s YouTube channel “How to ADHD,” and Ryan Wexelblatt’s “ADHD Dude” website.

Popular podcasts included the following:

• “Beautifully Complex” by Penny Williams
• “Calm Parenting” by Kirk Martin
• “ADHD Experts” by ADDitude

More Parenting Books and Resources Recommended by ADDitude Readers

“I think what I’ve appreciated the most is stories from experts and parents who are neurodivergent and have a child that is neurodivergent. It gives me a sense of being seen and heard.”

“ADDitude podcasts have really helped, as did CHADD’s Baltimore conference a few years ago. The ‘ADHD Rewired’ podcast has helped. On Instagram, @adhd_love has really helped me to laugh and to feel compassion for myself and neurodivergent family members. All of these resources have helped me to have a better understanding of myself and my children — and to feel greater acceptance, patience, and compassion toward us all.”

“I started listening to the ‘ADHD Chatter’ podcast soon after I was diagnosed, and I found that listening to the experiences of others helped me find my new identity. Taking Charge of ADHD by Russell Barkley, Ph.D., was written specifically for parents of ADHD children and has served as a blueprint for how we parent. ADDA, CHADD, and ADDitude publish resources that have been extremely helpful in how we organize our lives, how we practice self-care, how we work to regulate our emotions for a more stable home, and so on.”

“I love the book ADHD for Smart Ass Women by Tracy Otsuka. Knowing about myself helps me to know how I can help my daughter.”

“The ‘Weirds of a Feather’ podcast makes me feel like I’m talking to people that really know me and what I’m going through.”

“Unique by Jodi Rodgers has been amazing for helping me to learn to accept my kid’s ADHD and autistic behavior. It helped me see that many of these behaviors are more normal than I thought. It also made me think more about what drives the behavior…. The Glass House by Anne Buist and Graeme Simsion was also great. We have a lot of food aversions, and this book was the first one that made me realize that my child’s mental health is just as important, if not more so, than eating healthy food…. This book made me realize that my anger and frustration are causing more damage to my son’s mental stress than the physical damage of eating whatever he wants.”

“When we first started this part of our journey, I really enjoyed TiLT Parenting because it helped to normalize our experiences and also gave us (and our kids) language to describe the experience. We also got a lot of ideas to try together, and it was normalized that things that might work today, might not work tomorrow. At the height of my eldest son’s symptoms at the start of middle school as we were working toward getting him set up with help to succeed, we used a lot of tips and tools from Seth Perler’s vlog/website. I also have used information I’ve learned in the Executive Function Online Summit that he presents to support my children, myself, and youth I work with in the community.”

“Dr. Russell Barkley’s podcasts and videos prompted me to ask: Is the child’s behavior deliberate or beyond their control? When I asked this question to myself, it helped to step back and observe first.”

“As a parent of a child with ADHD and a psychologist who diagnoses ADHD and other differences, I get a lot of use out of All Dogs Have ADHD by Kathy Hoopmann. The photographs of the dogs are fun and engaging for readers of all ages, and the message of the book is empathetic and strengths based. It opens the door to good conversations about what features of ADHD show up for the unique child, and which don’t. In this way, sharing the book with the child helps foster self-awareness and solidarity with the many others who are neurodivergent in this way. I love it!”

“Dr. Russ Barkley’s 12 Principles for Raising a Child with ADHD is a short, no-nonsense, realistic guide. For me, hearing ‘It’s not a knowledge problem; it’s a production problem’ was very insightful.”

“I enjoy The Calm Parenting podcast. I have a strong-willed neurodivergent daughter who challenges med on a daily basis — and drains my energy. This podcast really helps me understand her and work with her. I also like the perspective that my neurodivergent kid needs to be treated like junior employees. This helps fights the inclination to yell, shame, and tell of. But instead to help them succeed, guide them, support them and decision to trust their judgement sometimes :-)”

“Mona Delahooke’s books on brain-body parenting have been a real eye-opener for us regarding how our and our kids’ bodies react in different situations and how to work with that. I really appreciate her down-to-earth approach, plain language, and compassion.”

“The book What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew by Dr. Sharon Saline and Dr. Laura Markham emphasizes how kids with ADHD basically spend their entire school day facing negative feedback and encourages parents to keep that in mind when you want to provide even more negative feedback to your child.”

“Discipline without Damage by Dr Vanessa Lapointe is great book for parenting in general same principles should be applied to ADHD but giving some room for where the child is at and particular areas they struggle in. It even has a section on exceptional (neurodivergent) kids.”

“Your Child is Not Broken by Heidi Mavir. I found it refreshing to get a perspective of a real mom advocating for her child and the teen’s perspective.”

Parenting Books and Resources for ADHD Families: Next Steps

• Listen: The Power of Behavioral Parent Training for ADHD
• Read: How to Deal with Anger From Your Child
• Access: Free Parenting Guide for Caregivers with ADHD

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A: Young people, and particularly neurodivergent students, should absolutely explore and question whether they’re truly ready for college. During the COVID-19 pandemic, we saw a dramatic rise in the number of students who deferred their college admissions and took a gap year. It was a good option then, and it remains a good option now for many.

A gap year refers to a period of time, typically after graduating from high school and before starting college, when a student takes a break from formal education to pursue activities like volunteering, working, or traveling.

[Q: How Do I Know If My Teen Is Really Ready for College?]

When we think about whether a gap year is right for a student, we look at several factors:

• Academic readiness: Is the student excited to tackle college course material or do they feel burned out?
• Motivational readiness: Is the student driven to live on their own and manage the rigors of college? Are they emotionally prepared for an environment that is less structured than high school?
• Self-regulation: Does the student have a healthy sleep routine and lifestyle? Are they taking their medication on their own? If unmonitored, will they be on their devices all the time, interfering with their ability to study?

[Q: Is My Teen Taking the Easy Way Out by Deferring College?]

I would approach the conversation with your teen from a strengths-based perspective and frame the gap year as an advantage. You might say: “You are very capable of doing well and succeeding in college. I want to make sure that you reach your full potential. Taking a gap year is not about delaying college. It is about setting you up for long-term success in your future career and life. We are not derailing your college plans; we are just finding an alternate way to get there. With this extra time, you will be in a stronger position to achieve your career goals and make the most of your education.”

If you are financially supporting their college education, you could add: “College is a significant investment, and I want to make sure it is money well spent. You have so much potential, and this extra time will help you maximize your experience.”

Invite your teen into the conversation and acknowledge their concerns, especially if they’re worried about what others might think. Reassure them that, in the long run, a gap year can position them for greater success.

Gap Year Decisions: Next Steps:

• Read: Gap Year Programs for ADHD Students
• Watch: “Gap Year Pros and Cons for Neurodivergent Students”
• Read: The 4-Year College Track is Not Right for Everyone

Carolyn Jeppsen is CEO and co-founder of BroadFutures, a nonprofit created to fund internships for neurodivergent youth.

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Reserve your spot in this free webinar, and get the event replay link plus a 15% discount to ADDitude magazine

Not available June 11th? Don’t worry. Register now and we’ll send you the replay link to watch at your convenience.

Does your teen with ADHD overreact to small comments, withdraw suddenly, or seem constantly on edge? They may experience rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD), a phenomenon common with ADHD. Not a formal diagnosis, RSD refers to intense feelings of pain following an actual or perceived rejection; a person with RSD may anticipate someone pulling back friendship, love, or support over a gesture, a misunderstanding, or a small disagreement.

Parenting teens with ADHD typically means navigating intense emotional storms, executive functioning challenges, and unpredictable hormonal shifts. When you add RSD to the mix, this combination can feel overwhelming and exhausting for everyone.

This webinar is designed to increase your ability to understand what’s really going on beneath the surface and to offer support through the ups and downs of adolescent sensitivity with compassion and clarity. Award-winning author, international speaker, and consultant Dr. Sharon Saline will explain how to manage the heightened emotional sensitivity in teens that often accompanies ADHD. After discussing the science behind RSD and how it relates to social anxiety, she will explore how hormonal changes in adolescence amplify emotional intensity and increase dysregulation in teens. Dr. Saline will show you how to assist kids in identifying triggers, reducing negative self-talk, and lowering shame. You’ll learn practical, evidence-based strategies for helping your adolescents feel more in control of their emotions, more connected to you, and more confident in themselves.

Learning Objectives:

• Understand the connections between ADHD and RSD in teens
• Learn how hormonal changes during puberty impact brain development, mood swings, and emotional sensitivity
• Recognize common signs of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) in teens, including emotional shutdowns or outbursts
• Gain practical tools for de-escalating emotional outbursts and helping your teen name, manage, and recover from big emotions
• Explore communication strategies that foster trust, reduce shame, and build resilience

Have a question for our expert? There will be an opportunity to post questions for the presenter during the live webinar.

RSD in ADHD Teens: Resources

• Free Download: Evaluate Your Teen’s Emotional Control
• Read: How ADHD Ignites RSD: Meaning & Medication Solutions
• Read: Have a Teen with ADHD? Encourage Communication & Avoid the Drama
• Read: The Key to ADHD Emotional Regulation? Cultivating Gratitude, Pride & Compassion
• eBook: The Parents’ Guide to Raising a Teen with ADHD, Part One

Meet the Expert Speaker

Sharon Saline, Psy.D., is a clinical psychologist and author of the award-winning book, What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew: Working Together to Empower Kids for Success in School and Life and The ADHD Solution Deck (#CommissionsEarned) specializes in working with children, teens, emerging adults and families living with ADHD, anxiety, learning disabilities, autism, twice exceptionality and mental health issues. Her unique perspective, as a sibling in an ADHD home, combined with decades of experience as a clinical psychologist and educator/clinician consultant, assists her in guiding families and adults toward effective communication and closer connections. She lectures and facilitates workshops internationally on topics such as understanding ADHD, executive functioning, anxiety, motivation, different kinds of learners, and the teen brain. Dr. Saline is a regular contributor to ADDitude and Psychology Today, a featured expert on MASS Appeal on WWLP-TV, and a part-time lecturer at the Smith School for Social Work. Her writing has been featured in numerous online and print publications including MSN, The Psychotherapy Networker, Smith College Studies in Social Work, Attention Magazine, ADDitude Magazine, Psych Central, and Inquirer.com. Learn more at www.drsharonsaline.com.

#CommissionsEarned As an Amazon Associate, ADDitude earns a commission from qualifying purchases made by ADDitude readers on the affiliate links we share. However, all products linked in the ADDitude Store have been independently selected by our editors and/or recommended by our readers. Prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

Webinar Sponsor

RSD is common in teens with ADHD—but it’s manageable. Play Attention uses NASA-inspired technology that lets users control cognitive exercises with attention alone, empowering your teen to build focus, emotional regulation, and resilience. Proven to improve executive function and backed by Tufts University research, our program blends AI-powered personalization with a dedicated focus coach—for that human touch. Start with our ADHD test or schedule a consultation. Home and professional programs available. www.playattention.com

Certificate of Attendance: For information on how to purchase the certificate of attendance option (cost $10), register for the webinar, then look for instructions in the email you’ll receive one hour after it ends. The certificate of attendance link will also be available here, on the webinar replay page, several hours after the live webinar. ADDitude does not offer CEU credits.

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Puberty is a transformative period in childhood development, marked by significant physical, emotional, and psychological changes. For adolescents with ADHD, this stage can be particularly turbulent. Teens with ADHD may be more impulsive and moody, show stronger emotional responses, and engage in more risky behaviors than their neurotypical peers.

During this time, many parents struggle to navigate the complex interplay of hormonal changes and the behavioral challenges that arise. Understanding how puberty impacts both mental health and behavior is key to supporting adolescents through this time of transition.

This webinar will provide an overview of how puberty impacts boys and girls with ADHD, as well as strategies to support adolescents during this period. This webinar will also address when adjustments in ADHD medication may be necessary and how parents should discuss medication use with children during this period.

In this webinar you will learn:

• How puberty impacts emotions and mental health in adolescents and teens
• How puberty affects boys and girls differently, particularly in areas like decision-making, and weighing the long-term effects of choices
• How to approach medication in children with ADHD during this period
• About caregiver strategies to support children and maintain relationships amid significant emotional and behavioral change

Watch the Video Replay

Enter your email address in the box above labeled “Video Replay + Slide Access” to watch the video replay (closed captions available) and download the slide presentation.

Puberty and Mental Health: Resources

• Free Download: How Hormones Impact ADHD Symptoms in Women and Girls
• Read: Boys vs. Girls: How Puberty Affects ADHD Symptoms
• Watch: How Puberty Aggravates ADHD Symptoms
• eBook: The Parents’ Guide to Raising a Teen with ADHD, Part One

Obtain a Certificate of Attendance

If you attended the live webinar on May 15, 2025 watched the video replay, or listened to the podcast, you may purchase a certificate of attendance option (cost: $10). Note: ADDitude does not offer CEU credits. Click here to purchase the certificate of attendance option »

Meet the Expert Speaker

Paul Mitrani, M.D., Ph.D., is the Medical Director and a senior child and adolescent psychiatrist at the Child Mind Institute. He has extensive experience evaluating and treating youth with complex mental health problems, including depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), tics, gender dysphoria and autism spectrum disorder (ASD).

Dr. Mitrani, a graduate of the Triple Board Program at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai, is board-certified in child and adolescent psychiatry, adult psychiatry and pediatrics. His background in pediatrics allows him to address broader issues related to patients with medical illnesses or gender dysphoria. Through a developmentally based, patient-centered approach, Dr. Mitrani formulates an ideal treatment plan for each patient that can include medication and therapeutic interventions, such as parent management training, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and insight-oriented therapy.

Webinar Sponsor

Play Attention—inspired by NASA technology and backed by Tufts University research—strengthens executive function, the brain’s self-management system, through personalized cognitive training. It’s designed to help at any age, but is especially valuable during puberty, when hormonal changes affect mood, behavior, and attention. With a personal focus coach and AI-driven customization, your teen will develop lifelong skills for focus, self-regulation, and success.

Start our online ADHD assessment or schedule a consultation today. Home and professional programs available. www.playattention.com

ADDitude thanks our sponsors for supporting our webinars. Sponsorship has no influence on speaker selection or webinar content.

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Teens may succumb to the temptation of cannabis because it promises to alleviate anxiety and stress, and to quiet racing brains quickly. However, cannabis can negatively affect ADHD brains by slowing the brain’s signaling processes, affecting motivation and memory.

Still, teenagers may deny that their cannabis use is a problem or even dangerous, leaving their parents exasperated and worried.

“Parents should work deliberately not to shame their child and instead focus on understanding their child’s experience on cannabis,” wrote Roberto Olivardia, Ph.D., in the ADDitude article “The Damaging Effects of Cannabis on the ADHD Brain.” “They should also set boundaries and consequences for substance use to remind their child it is not acceptable.”

We asked 198 ADDitude caregivers whether they are concerned about their teen or tween possibly or habitually using cannabis and how marijuana use impacts their child’s ADHD symptoms.  Many parents expressed apprehension about the long-term effects of cannabis use and shared their strategies for monitoring and managing their child’s usage.

[Read: The ADHD and Addiction Link]

Are you concerned about your ADHD teenager using cannabis? Share your thoughts in the Comments link above.

Teen Cannabis Use Worries Parents

“I am very concerned about my teen son, who has ADHD and smokes cannabis. I don’t want to see him become a ‘stoner’ and lose interest in life’s possibilities.” — Lynne, Australia

“My son first used cannabis at university. He has since stopped but went on to cigarettes and now vapes. My thought is that the cannabis may have initiated the ADHD behavior.” —  Jill, United Kingdom

“My young adult children went through a heavy weed phase as teens, which I could not stop. Thankfully, they have decided to stop by themselves. Weed made things more overwhelming for my daughter with inattentive ADHD. Neither of my children could get anything done.” — Jess, Spain

“I am very concerned. He seems to be very attracted to cannabis use despite knowing it’s illegal and not good for the growing brain. I’m afraid it’s going to become a problem, but I don’t know if I’m being paranoid or a helicopter mom.” — Casey, North Carolina

[Read: Substance Use Disorders and ADHD: 5 Key Facts and Additional Resources]

“The mind racing, the sleep issues, the overall overwhelm of the ADHD mind at times — cannabis use is very concerning.” — Anonymous

“Cannabis has been glorified as a ‘magic’ cure-all, when in reality it exacerbates or hides many ADHD symptoms like anxiety. It does not cure it.” — Anonymous

“We know he’s smoked some already, but I also know that with ADHD comes a lot of anxiety and stress, and cannabis offers quick short-term relief. I worry that it can become a habit, not to mention the effects on his developing brain.” — Anonymous

“It calms their anxiety but lessens their motivation to get things done.” — Sallie, Michigan

Strategies for Navigating Teen Cannabis Use

“We regularly speak about self-medicating and substance abuse in neurodivergent people. I think the worst thing that we can do as parents is not educate our children on the topic.” — Courtney, Tennessee

“I stress that they already use medication and already have a predisposition to a system that is more delicate. They need to be smart and informed about what they put in/on/around their bodies. I stress that I am there to support them and to do their research.” — Amber, Wisconsin

“It can be scary for me. All I can do is teach him healthy ways to cope with issues and hope he makes the right choices when no one’s watching.” — Chery, Colorado

“I know he smokes cannabis regularly. I monitor him closely to help him manage himself and his difficulties in such a way that he’ll not be tempted to use cannabis to escape his problems, but only as an enhancement.” — Inge, Netherlands

“Decision-making skills begin very early by allowing failures. We talk and discuss each failure, keep the communication and respect channels open, spend time together, and keep our children involved in healthy activities of their choice.” — Anonymous

“It’s all about openly discussing the risks and reasons for use, along with offering support so that teens do not turn to drugs to remediate or cover their problems.” — Cynthia, New Jersey

ADHD and Cannabis: Next Steps

• Read: When Your Teen Says Weed Is the Only Thing That “Helps”
• Self-Test: Could You Have a Substance Use Disorder?
• Read: “Will Cannabis Ease My ADHD Symptoms?” ADDitude Readers Weigh In

Sources

¹ 1. Lee, S. et. al. (2011). Prospective association of childhood attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and substance use and abuse/dependence: a meta-analytic review. Clinical psychology review, 31(3), 328–341. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2011.01.006

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Teens with highly symptomatic ADHD face an elevated risk for using e-cigarettes, cigarettes, and tobacco products, and that risk is likely diminished through the use of prescribed ADHD medication, according to a new study published in JAMA Network Open.¹

Prior research has established that teens with ADHD are more likely than their neurotypical peers to use nicotine.²,³,⁴ However, this study is one of the first to longitudinally examine whether effective ADHD symptom management, like pharmacotherapy, may mitigate this risk. It suggests that teens with ADHD symptoms that are managed well are less likely to use tobacco products than their peers with untreated or otherwise severe ADHD symptoms.

This finding is consistent with previous research suggesting that untreated ADHD may double the risk⁵ of developing a substance use disorder (SUD), and that early and continual treatment for ADHD can reduce this risk.⁶

“The present findings support the assertion from prior clinical studies that alleviating core ADHD symptoms may lead to a reduction in risky behaviors among U.S. youths with ADHD,” the researchers wrote.

The study followed more than 13,500 U.S. youths ages 12 to 17 over nine years, from 2013 to 2023. The sample was divided into three categories: those with an ADHD diagnosis who received pharmacotherapy, those with an ADHD diagnosis who did not receive pharmacotherapy, and those without an ADHD diagnosis or pharmacotherapy.

Across all three groups, those with higher levels of ADHD symptoms were more likely to use nicotine or tobacco products during the nine-year period than were those with few or no symptoms, regardless of diagnosis (52% – 58% prevalence rate compared with 31% – 36%).

Youth in the study with asymptomatic ADHD, with or without ADHD medication, were no more at risk for vaping or other nicotine and tobacco consumption than was the control group without ADHD.

“The null findings between youth with asymptomatic ADHD…could be interpreted as ADHD treatment being protective against subsequent nicotine and tobacco use,” the researchers wrote.

The children and their parents, found from the Population Assessment of Tobacco and Health study, completed questionnaires at six different periods, reporting any usage of nine different nicotine or tobacco products in the past year, including e-cigarettes and cigarettes. In addition, they reported whether the adolescent has received an ADHD diagnosis or regularly taken medication for ADHD.

The participants also filled out a four-item assessment of ADHD symptoms at each survey period, a unique methodology considering that most ADHD studies only examine diagnosis.

“The group of adolescents with inattentive and hyperactive and/or impulsive symptoms and no ADHD diagnosis represents a high-risk subpopulation often missed in clinical research,” the researchers wrote.

Including this group allowed the researchers to parse out risk differences between having a diagnosis, receiving treatment, and having symptoms both with and without a diagnosis.

However, a limitation of this study resides in the four-item screener the researchers chose to use to measure ADHD symptoms, which has been abandoned by many clinicians due to its short nature and low specificity.

Why Are ADHD Teens More at Risk for Nicotine Use?

Prior research confirms the connection between nicotine consumption and having ADHD. Teens with ADHD report experiencing more pleasure from a single nicotine hit than those without ADHD.⁷

The researchers suggest that the increased risk for highly symptomatic ADHD teens results from youth using nicotine as self-medication for their ADHD symptoms.

This makes sense considering nicotine is a stimulant that targets the same receptors as ADHD stimulants like Ritalin or Adderall. Nicotine reduces anxiety, improves motivation, and sharpens memory, but only in the short term.

“Over time, some studies are showing three to six months, it ends up making them so addicted that they’re craving that nicotine, and it worsens their natural production of dopamine,” said Kristin Seymour, MSN, RN, AHCNS-BC, in an ADDitude webinar “Vaping: A Parent’s Guide to Prevention, Cessation, and Treatment.”

Self-medicating with nicotine not only worsens ADHD symptoms in the long run but also leads to life-threatening side effects like DNA damage, heart disease, and cancer.

Seymour suggests that another reason behind this risk is that teens with ADHD struggle with social anxiety and impulsivity.

“Most teens are ready, aim, fire, but people with ADHD are ready, fire, and then they think about aiming,” Seymour said. “This is a problem because they just do it and think about the repercussions later. By that time, they are already addicted because this is such a highly addictive agent.”

Sources

¹ McCabe SE, Pasman E, Wilens T, et al. (2025). Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder symptoms and later e-cigarette and tobacco use in US youths. JAMA Netw Open. 8(2) doi:10.1001/jamanetworkopen.2024.58834

² Wilens, T. E., Martelon, M., Joshi, G., Bateman, C., Fried, R., Petty, C., & Biederman, J. (2011). Does ADHD predict substance-use disorders? A 10-year follow-up study of young adults with ADHD. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 50(6), 543–553. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jaac.2011.01.021

³ Goldenson, N. I., Stone, M. D., Leventhal, A. M. (2018). Associations of ADHD symptoms with smoking and alternative tobacco product use initiation during adolescence. Journal of Pediatric Psychology, 43(6), 613–624. https://doi.org/10.1093/jpepsy/jsx153

⁴ Dvorsky, M. R., & Langberg, J. M. (2019). Cigarette and e-cigarette use and social perceptions over the transition to college: The role of ADHD symptoms. Psychology of Addictive Behaviors, 33(3), 318–330.https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1037/adb0000450

⁵ Van Emmerik-van Oortmerssen, K., Van de Glind, G., Van den Brink, W., Smit, F., Crunelle, C. L., Swets, M., & Schoevers, R. A. (2012). Prevalence of attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder in substance use disorder patients: A meta-analysis and meta-regression analysis. Drug and Alcohol Dependence, 122(1–2), 11–19. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.drugalcdep.2011.12.007

⁶ Boland, H., DiSalvo, M., Fried, R., Woodworth, K. Y., Wilens, T., Faraone, S. V., & Biederman, J. (2020). A literature review and meta-analysis on the effects of ADHD medications on functional outcomes. Journal of Psychiatric Research, 123, 21–30. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jpsychires.2020.01.006

⁷Kollins, S.H., Sweitzer, M.M., McClernon, F.J. et al. (2020). Increased subjective and reinforcing effects of initial nicotine exposure in young adults with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) compared to matched peers: results from an experimental model of first-time tobacco use. Neuropsychopharmacology. 45, 851–856 https://doi.org/10.1038/s41386-019-0581-7

This generation faces unparalleled challenges, but the themes of emerging adulthood remain constant: identity exploration and feelings of in-betweenness. From navigating opposition and disillusionment to exploring independence, here are the skills young adults need today — and ways that parents can help them approach these pain points.

Going Nowhere, Fast: How to Counter Pessimism and Opposition

Q: How do we get our child past the why-bother-because-the-world-sucks attitude? This mentality has kept my child from making moves post-college graduation and contributing to the household. Gaming is the only thing that interests them — they oppose almost all our ideas.

Solution: Explore Non-Withdrawal

You can’t make your child think that the world doesn’t suck. And your child isn’t alone in thinking that the world is a dreary place. Many members of Gen Z protest the state of the world by choosing to withdraw from it, mostly by escaping into the virtual. But you can explore — in a non-judgmental, non-hostile way — why your child thinks the world sucks, and whether they can participate in it anyway.

• Go with it. Ask, “If the world sucks, what do you think is going to happen down the road for you? Where do you see this all going?” This won’t be a one-time conversation.
• Show genuine curiosity. Say, “It must be so hard for you to feel like you don’t have any opportunities that are worthwhile in today’s world — that you don’t feel able to mobilize to do the things that you want to do. That must be really tough.”
• Give the benefit of the doubt. Avoid unsolicited advice or digs at your child’s bothersome behaviors (like sleeping all day and staying up all night to game). It only feeds oppositionality.
• Negotiate when the time comes. Most young adults eventually become bored of non-participation, which is good. It opens the door for you to fashion, in collaboration with your child, a way for them to have time to do what they want (in this case, gaming) and contribute to the family household.
• Build up to talks about their goals, not yours. Once your child begins engaging in negotiation, revisit the world-sucks conversation, and add in questions about values and aspirations. Ask:
  • You do care about some things. What might you be able to discover by taking those values and putting them into action?
  • What goals do you have? How can we help you get there? How might we come up with a transition plan?
  • What appeals to you? What might you find fun and rewarding (that also happens to bring you income)?

[Read: 5 Life Skills Every Young Adult with ADHD Should (Eventually) Master]

It’s-Everyone’s-Fault-ism: How to Instill Ownership

Q: My son blames all bad outcomes, such as lost job opportunities, on others. He does not see his role, and he doesn’t wonder what he could do differently next time. How can I help him develop self-awareness and a growth mindset?

Solution: What Floats Your Child’s Boat?

You’ll inspire your child to take ownership of his career and life not by telling him to be more responsible, but by engaging his motivational system.

Be Curious About Frustrations

Say your son abruptly quit his relatively new job because he “hated it.” Use the experience to start a conversation that taps into your child’s motivations.

You: What parts of the job did you hate the most?

Son: The inflexible work hours and how boring some of my tasks were.

You: I see. It seems like these aspects really matter to you, and you weren’t getting what you hoped for from this job. Were there aspects of the job that you liked?

Son: I liked days when I had variability and when I got to use my creative side.

You: It sounds like you know what you want out of a future role. How might you ensure that your next job has more of what motivates you — even enough to put up with the boring parts?

You can take the conversation in multiple directions — from how your son can manage boredom on the job to how he can find opportunities for creativity even when it’s not part of the job description. Either way, this approach will help your child view problems interactively and consider his role in the solution.

Shift to a ‘Try’ Mindset

For many with ADHD, blaming others often develops as a defense mechanism against feeling like a failure, which can turn into learned helplessness and avoidance — the “I’d rather not give myself a chance” mindset. As best you can, teach your son to try, learn from failure, and try again. Say, “Well, maybe that didn’t work out. What else might we try? We’re here for you — let us know when you’re ready to talk.”

[Recommended Reading: “Why Does Fear of Failure Paralyze My Teen with ADHD?”]

Helping or Hurting? How to Support Without Enabling

Q: “My son is always asking me for money. He’s in his late 20s and he moved to another city a few years ago to try to make it in a niche business. He’s taken a regular job while trying to make inroads, but he constantly asks for financial help. I give him what he asks for because he’s in survival mode, and I don’t want to be a dream crusher. Am I supporting or enabling him?”

Solution: Support with Limits & Don’t Swoop In

One of the most daunting yet key aspects of parenting a young adult is knowing when and how much to step back. Young adults need to struggle so they can learn how to resolve problems. Jumping in to save them entirely is not doing them any favors. Everyone struggles to find their way, and your job is to manage your anxiety if you see your child experiencing this normal difficulty. Remember, you’re parenting an adult — not a child or an adolescent — who desperately wants to figure it out for themselves.

At the same time, supporting your young adult in pursuing their dream and giving them a chance at it is a good thing — so long as you’ve expressed your expectations and limits. Consider how much you’ve provided to your son so far, and how much more (if anything) you’re comfortable providing. Communicate your limits with your child and discuss how he’ll live within a budget in his city. Keep in mind that a parental subsidy is the norm today, where so many young, well-educated people take low-paying jobs to get by while the cost of living continues to soar.

What Is Adulthood, Anyway?

Q: My 20-year-old kid seems so far from adulthood. I was far more mature at their age. Is my child stalled or am I being too hard on them?

Solution: Take a Step Back

The picture of adulthood has changed considerably. By your mid-20s, you were expected to have completed your education and/or established a career path, become financially independent, found a partner, and become a parent. Today, this process lasts through the 20s and well into the 30s. And let’s keep in mind that the post-COVID world is harder for youth, who lost in-person schooling and now see greater skill deficits. For young people with ADHD, it can take longer to reach the milestones of adulthood due to executive function challenges.

Is it about you? Your biases and assumptions may be making it harder for you to view your child and their circumstances objectively. Ask yourself:

• “How different are my adult child’s experiences from my own at that age?”
• “Do I need to give them more parental or adult guidance than I got?”
• “Do I view my adult child as a kid or as an adult?”
• “Do I judge myself ― or them ― if they’re not flourishing?”
• “Is this delay in growing up a period of self-discovery ― or self-indulgence?”

If your young adult really has failed to launch, help them start to address issues (but not solve them). Interventions for executive function difficulties, which interfere with setting and meeting goals, may help. CBT for executive dysfunction, for example, can help your child better understand ADHD, learn how to handle stress, procrastination, and negative thoughts, and modify their environment so they can thrive.

Failure to Launch? Next Steps for Thriving with ADHD

• Get This Free Download: Transform Your Teen’s Apathy Into Engagement
• Read: Teaching Generation Z How to Hope
• Read: How to Adult ― 6 Rules for Embracing Independence with ADHD
• Get This eBook: The Adult’s Guide to Stronger Executive Functions

The content for this article was derived from the ADDitude ADHD Experts webinar titled, “The Journey to Independence: A Parent’s Guide to Delayed Adulthood with ADHD” [Video Replay & Podcast #503] with Anthony Rostain, M.D., M.A., which was broadcast on May 1, 2024.

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Should your student continue to receive ADHD care from a longtime clinician or join a new practice closer to campus? Here are some factors to help you decide.

Continuity of Care vs. New Support

One benefit of your teen continuing care with their existing clinician: Because of their personal knowledge of and history with your teen, that clinician can quickly recognize and respond to worsening symptoms. Familiarity can also have a downside, however. Some young adults have told me their clinicians feel comfortable regularly re-prescribing medications over text without an evaluation, which can lead to inaccurate clinical decisions.

[Get This Free Download: How to Get ADHD Accommodations in College]

If your student wants to continue care with the clinician they had in high school, ask the clinician for their perspective. If your teen is attending college out of state, ask whether the clinician is licensed in that state. You should also keep in mind that it might be less convenient for your student to regularly attend appointments in another state. Fewer face-to-face appointments can mean that worsening ADHD symptoms go undetected and untreated. Have this conversation several months before the transition so your teen has time to find a new care team, if needed.

Finding a New Clinician

Roughly one in four students with ADHD is receiving a prescription for stimulants from a psychiatrist in the local community around their college, even though finding a psychiatrist who is affordable and taking new patients can be difficult. Some students have the financial means to pay cash and take their pick of available psychiatrists. Most do not.

To identify medical professionals in the community around your student’s new school who accept your insurance, consult your student’s insurance website. Call early. Insurance network lists can be outdated with clinicians who are no longer taking new patients.

If identifying a psychiatrist proves difficult, find a primary care clinician who is willing to prescribe ADHD medications. This might be less desirable if your teen has multiple psychiatric conditions or needs frequent or more complicated medication adjustments, however.

[Read: 13 Survival Tips from College Graduates with ADHD]

Some students use campus mental health services. Our research has shown that almost all U.S. colleges and universities offer mental health services, but few provide clinical services for ADHD. Check the institution’s website or call its health clinic to determine whether ADHD services are offered. The advantages of these clinics: They are on campus and are usually cheap or free. Your student may need to provide documents to verify their diagnosis and transition their care.

College can be a rewarding time for students with ADHD. Choosing who will manage your teen’s professional mental health care during these formative years requires planning, conversations, and careful thought about what will maximize their chance of appropriate care.

ADHD Therapist and Medication Changes: Next Steps

• Free Download: Who Can Treat ADHD?
• Read: ADHD and College: Survival Guide for Teens on Their Own
• Read: The College Survival Guide for Students with ADHD

James Aluri, M.D., is an associate professor of psychiatry at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine.

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Conflicting and paltry research on caffeine and ADHD leaves many parents with mixed messages and unclear recommendations. For example, a 2013 study¹ suggesting that caffeine may normalize dopamine and attention levels in people with ADHD, was essentially rendered obsolete by a 2024 study² published in the journal Public Health that associated energy drink consumption with an elevated risk for physical and mental health conditions such as ADHD, depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation among children and adolescents.

This study also tied energy drink consumption to increased ADHD inattention, conduct disorder, and depressive and panic symptoms. It showed startling rates of suicidal ideation and attempts among those who drank more than one energy drink a day compared to non-drinkers.

Caffeine is not the only reason these drinks may pose concerns for those with ADHD. A recent meta-analysis³ found that sugary beverage consumption was associated with a 25% increase in ADHD symptoms.

[Get This Free Download: A Parent’s Guide to ADHD Medications]

And still other research has suggested that consuming caffeine with another stimulant can be dangerous, exacerbating side effects like heart rate and blood pressure elevation. Still, no formal contradiction warnings exist, and many parents are left wondering, How much caffeine is too much for a teenager with ADHD?

We asked ADDitude readers if they have a teenager who regularly consumes caffeine and, if so, what observations or concerns they have. We received 189 responses. Many shared their strategies for embracing the benefits of caffeine, moderating it, or eliminating it altogether for their teenagers both with and without ADHD.

How do you manage caffeine consumption by your teen? Share your thoughts in the Comments section.

Negative Effects of Caffeine Consumption

“Caffeine gives some spike of energy but then makes her down and interrupts her sleep. Since she does a lot of sports, she knows coffee will distract her routines.” — Inna, Massachusetts

[Read: Your Guide to ADHD Symptoms in Teens]

“Energy drinks are part of his consuming habits. His crash can be quite volatile, however. Since he has anxiety issues, I’m very concerned when he says he feels his heart pounding. I feel it may be a result of these drinks, but he won’t listen to us.” — Anonymous

“It’s a spiral effect that impacts forgetting to eat, poor nutrition, energy surges and crashes, and intestinal issues.” — Anonymous

“With caffeine, the mind becomes overactive, to the point where my child can’t stop to take a breath.” — Stacey, Canada

“Our youngest followed his friends in consuming energy drinks. This was a huge contributor to the nightmare side of ADHD symptomatic behavior.” — Craig, England

“My son drank energy drinks routinely. That’s when he began giving into naps and sleeping late.” — Mindy, Connecticut

Teaching Caffeine Moderation

“I didn’t allow caffeine until age 16. Then, we discussed the consequences of overdoing it, watched some videos, and talked about the healthy use of caffeine.” — Eva, Arizona

“The energy drinks are limited to one, with 150 milligrams of caffeine a day. It has to be consumed before 3 p.m.” — Anonymous

“We treat caffeine as another over-the-counter drug — to be used with great thought. We actually recommend caffeine on days when the prescription stimulants are not taken to make it a bit easier to focus. Stimulant use and caffeine may have a reaction, and that should be considered.” — Amy, Michigan

“I see a high usage of energy drinks among my son and his friends. I regularly discuss this, and see it influences him from time to time to lessen his intake.” — Inge, Netherlands

“Soda is limited to one can a day. An energy drink is okay with friends, but we limit to one.” — Becky, Pennsylvania

“We try hard to limit caffeine — energy drinks is where we draw the line.” — Kathy, New Hampshire

“I know from personal experience that caffeine can exacerbate ADHD symptoms, so I just try to keep a watch on what he drinks. It’s a very fine line between just enough and too much.” — Casey, North Carolina

Eliminating Caffeine Entirely

“We have educated our children on the dangers of mixing caffeine and stimulant medication.” — Donna, California

“I do not allow it. She already has some trouble falling asleep, so she is happy to avoid it.” — Anonymous

“We do not allow caffeine consumption before college because it is habit forming.” — Kaycee, California

“We have been very upset at not being able to give our daughter what other children get every day, and see it is a missed part of her ebbing childhood.” — Larry, Indonesia

“We hide caffeinated sodas in our house because he will drink them. Due to the stimulant he takes for ADHD, we have concerns about the amount of caffeine he consumes and its impact on his behavior, sleep, and activity level. We’ve allowed him to drink carbonated and flavored waters, and non-caffeinated, low-sugar sodas.” — Anonymous

Embracing Caffeine

“He makes homemade coffee drinks. It calms him, he says, and helps him gain energy at the same time.” — Theresa, Minnesota

“My 14-year-old daughter with ADHD is unmediated and has just started drinking cappuccinos. When she has one, I’ve noticed that she becomes quite engaged and focused on her love of drawing.” — Lucy, England

“They use caffeine daily as their only stimulant. I don’t think they could function without it.” — Sallie, Michigan

“Caffeine seems to help him regulate.” — Anonymous

How Much Caffeine Is Too Much For a Teenager: Next Steps

• Free Download: Free Guide to ADHD Brain Food – What to Eat, What to Avoid
• Read: The Truth About Lion’s Mane, Psychedelics & Caffeine
• Read: Why My Kids Drink… (Wait For It)… COFFEE

Sources

¹Pandolfo, P., Machado, N. J., Köfalvi, A., Takahashi, R. N., & Cunha, R. A. (2013). Caffeine regulates frontocorticostriatal dopamine transporter density and improves attention and cognitive deficits in an animal model of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. European Neuropsychopharmacology, 23(4). https://doi.org/10.1016/j.euroneuro.2012.04.011

²Ajibo, C., Van Griethuysen, A., Visram, S., & Lake, A. A. (2024). Consumption of energy drinks by children and young people: A systematic review examining evidence of physical effects and consumer attitudes. Public Health, 227, 274–281. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.puhe.2023.08.024

³Khazdouz, M., Reza Safarzadeh, Bahram Hejrani, Hasani, M., Fatemeh Sadat Mahdavi, Hanieh-Sadat Ejtahed, & Mostafa Qorbani. (2024). The association between junk foods consumption and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder in children and adolescents: a systematic review and meta-analysis of observational studies. European Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. https://https://doi.org/10.1007/s00787-024-02521-8

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Does your tween or teen say ‘No’ as an automatic reflex? Do they dismiss your advice and often do the exact opposite? Do you feel powerless in halting their bad choices as they exert independence and ‘learn the hard way?’

If every day feels like a battle, and your child seems to make things unnecessarily difficult, you are not alone. Parenting tweens and teens with ADHD — and enduring their continued efforts to frustrate you at every turn — takes stamina, patience, and compassion. From intense emotional eruptions and friendship drama to snarky attitudes and bold defiance, adolescents with ADHD seem to cycle through self-defeating and self-destructive patterns exacerbated by puberty. These behaviors are ineffective attempts to hide the worry, frustration, hopelessness, and shame that they feel deep inside. How can you join with your adolescent to create and meet meaningful goals related to school and home life?

In this webinar, Sharon Saline, Psy.D., pulls back the curtain and shows you how to talk with kids about what’s really going on, how to create opportunities for collaborative solutions, and how to reduce conflict at home and at school. She will show you effective strategies for avoiding blowouts, improving motivation, and repairing relationship ruptures. You’ll learn practical techniques for transforming stuckness and obstinacy into optimism and cooperation.

In this webinar, you will learn how to…

1. Understand the biopsychology of adolescent development.
2. Identify collaborative interventions for self-defeating behavioral and psychological patterns in tweens and teens.
3. Explain practical, strength-based approaches for dealing with resistant, oppositional kids that foster cooperation.
4. Develop self-esteem and resilience in challenging adolescents.

Watch the Video Replay

Enter your email address in the box above labeled “Video Replay + Slide Access” to watch the video replay (closed captions available) and download the slide presentation.

Download or Stream the Podcast Audio

Click the play button below to listen to this episode directly in your browser, click the symbol to download to listen later, or open in your podcasts app: Apple Podcasts; Audacy; Spotify; Amazon Music; iHeartRADIO

Teens with ADHD: More Resources

• Free Download: Transform Your Teen’s Apathy Into Engagement
• Self-Test: Could Your Child Have Oppositional Defiant Disorder?
• Read: You Can’t Change Your Defiant Teenager…
• Read: “Take a Sabbatical from Teaching and Judging”

Obtain a Certificate of Attendance

If you attended the live webinar on February 12, 2025, watched the video replay, or listened to the podcast, you may purchase a certificate of attendance option (cost: $10). Note: ADDitude does not offer CEU credits. Click here to purchase the certificate of attendance option »

Meet the Expert Speaker

Sharon Saline, Psy.D., clinical psychologist and author of the award-winning book, What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew: Working Together to Empower Kids for Success in School and Life and The ADHD Solution Deck specializes in working with children, teens, emerging adults and families living with ADHD, anxiety, learning disabilities, autism, twice exceptionality and mental health issues. Her unique perspective, as a sibling in an ADHD home, combined with decades of experience as a clinical psychologist and educator/clinician consultant, assists her in guiding families and adults toward effective communication and closer connections. She lectures and facilitates workshops internationally on topics such as understanding ADHD, executive functioning, anxiety, motivation, different kinds of learners, and the teen brain. Dr. Saline is a regular contributor to ADDitudemag.com and PsychologyToday.com, a featured expert on MASS Appeal on WWLP-TV, and a part-time lecturer at the Smith School for Social Work. Her writing has been featured in numerous online and print publications including MSN, The Psychotherapy Networker, Smith College Studies in Social Work, Attention Magazine, ADDitude Magazine, Psych Central, and Inquirer.com. Learn more at www.drsharonsaline.com.

Webinar Sponsor

The sponsor of this ADDitude webinar is…

Play Attention, inspired by NASA technology and backed by Tufts University research, strengthens executive function, emotional regulation, and focus, turning resistance into cooperation. Your customized plan builds critical skills for success and fosters collaboration within your family. Schedule your consultation and learn how you can improve executive function in just 10-minutes a day! Home and Professional Programs available. www.playattention.com

ADDitude thanks our sponsors for supporting our webinars. Sponsorship has no influence on speaker selection or webinar content.

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Some high school seniors, particularly those with ADHD who have experienced persistent academic stress, may benefit from taking a gap year before they begin college, a trade school, or a career. A gap year is a temporary break from higher education. Some students who take a gap year desperately need the time off to decompress, some are uncertain about their direction, and others may want to gain another year of maturity and/or independence before living away at college.

A gap year can provide a teen with the opportunity to work, volunteer, study, travel, and generally take some time to grow and develop. This webinar will provide a basis for caregivers, school counselors, and young people themselves to decide if taking a year off after high school or after a year or two of college is right for their family.

In this webinar, you will learn:

• About the different types of gap year programs most appropriate for neurodivergent students
• About the benefits and drawbacks of taking a gap year
• What research data show about students who take a gap year
• What caregivers should consider, and what counselors might advise, regarding whether a student should pursue a gap year
• About the growing trend of neurodivergent students who are already in their first or second year of college and decide they want to take a gap year

Watch the Video Replay

Enter your email address in the box above labeled “Video Replay + Slide Access” to watch the video replay (closed captions available) and download the slide presentation.

Click the play button below to listen to this episode directly in your browser, click the symbol to download to listen later, or open in your podcasts app: Apple Podcasts; Audacy; Spotify; Amazon Music; iHeartRADIO

Gap Years & Neurodivergent Students: More Resources

• Download: How to Get ADHD Accommodations in College
• Read: Is College Right for My Teen with ADHD?
• Read: The Case for (Working, Maturing) Gap Years
• eBook: Teens with ADHD, Part One

Obtain a Certificate of Attendance

If you attended the live webinar on February 4, 2025, watched the video replay, or listened to the podcast, you may purchase a certificate of attendance option (cost: $10). Note: ADDitude does not offer CEU credits. Click here to purchase the certificate of attendance option »

Webinar Sponsor

The sponsor of this ADDitude webinar is….

Landmark College offers summer programs to assist a wide range of students with learning differences, including rising high school juniors and seniors, recent high school graduates and students enrolled at other colleges. Students learn specific strategies to be successful in formal academic settings and grow personally and academically in an intentional and supportive academic community. www.landmark.edu

ADDitude thanks our sponsors for supporting our webinars. Sponsorship has no influence on speaker selection or webinar content.

Follow ADDitude’s full ADHD Experts Podcast in your podcasts app:
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“He would tell me I was the best thing that ever happened to him. Then he started telling me I needed to lose weight and that my clothes were too revealing. He said my parents were abusive and didn’t care about me; that he was the only one who truly cared about me.”

“She told me that no one would believe me if I told them she was abusive. She said girls can’t be abusive and that she was just reacting to me being abusive.”

“The more my parents stopped me from seeing him, the more ways I found to see him. It almost became like a challenge. He encouraged me to defy them.”

These are glimpses into toxic relationships, as told to me by a few of my teen clients with ADHD. And their stories are not uncommon. Teens with ADHD may become easy targets for perpetrators of emotional abuse and manipulation due to their lagging maturity, difficulty with friendships, low self-esteem, and other factors.

Toxic relationships are stealthy. They begin with a love-bombing phase, during which a person is lavished with gifts, attention, and ego-boosting compliments. This phase is especially intoxicating and powerful for people with ADHD who finally feel a sense of acceptance. Then the devaluing phase begins; their love interest tells them all the reasons they’re not good enough. Your child might hear, “If you were a little bit taller, that would make you more attractive to me.” Or “Why can’t you just be a good partner?”

[Read: What Are the Signs of a Controlling Relationship?]

Signs of a Toxic Relationship

Maybe your kid comes home and is excited because they met somebody. Then, six months later, you start noticing that their sparkle has faded; their personality seems blunted. They don’t seem as close to family members, and they’re not hanging out with their friends as much. This is by design; the perpetrator’s goal is to isolate and gain ultimate power and control over your child.

You might say to your child: “I really love you. It seems like things have changed. You don’t seem as happy. I wonder if you’ve noticed that, too. Let’s talk about this.”

Keep in mind that your child has already gotten the message from their partner that they should not listen to you. This is why it’s important to be non-judgmental. If you say something bad about their partner, your child will defend them to the hilt.

Just having a dialogue with your child, without pointing out how unhealthy their partner is, can be really helpful. And keep communication open.

How to Move on from a Toxic Relationship

Tell your child not to initiate or respond to any communication from the perpetrator. Cutting off contact with them is the most effective solution. They should block the perpetrator on social media to prevent a return to the cycle of pathology. You should monitor your teen’s devices and know who they’re talking to. Find out from your Internet provider about features to help you protect your child.

[Read: The Rules of Dating (and Breaking Up) with ADHD]

When someone leaves this type of relationship, it can be almost like experiencing a drug withdrawal; it’s much more intense than a typical breakup. Parents in this situation need to keep a close eye on their kids and watch for signs of self-harm. Make sure your teen continues taking their ADHD medicine and going to therapy. Check in with them, not just right after the breakup, but over time.

The more time your teen spends away from this unhealthy person, the more likely they will enter and maintain healthy relationships in the future.

Signs of a Toxic Relationship: Next Steps

• Self-Test: Is Your Relationship Toxic?
• Read: Why Do Toxic Relationships Swallow People with ADHD?
• Watch: Toxic Relationship Red Flags and Interventions for Teens with ADHD

Stephanie Moulton Sarkis, Ph.D., is the author of Healing from Toxic Relationships — 10 Essential Steps to Recover from Gaslighting, Narcissism, and Emotional Abuse (#CommissionsEarned)

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Peer acceptance, a sense of self-efficacy, and a stress-is-enhancing mindset are strong predictors of resilience in older teens with ADHD, according to a small longitudinal study published in Child Psychiatry & Human Development.¹

The study, which followed 113 adolescents with ADHD from 10th to 12th grade, found that higher levels of peer acceptance, self-efficacy, and a growth mindset in 10th or 11th grade predicted higher levels of resilience 1.5 to 2 years later.

Peer Acceptance & Mechanisms of Resilience

Participants from the present study were assessed at three points:

• Fall/winter of 10th grade for peer acceptance
• Spring of 10th or 11th grade for self-efficacy, a stress-is-enhancing mindset, and baseline resilience
• Spring of 11th or 12th grade for follow-up on resilience

Peer acceptance at the start of the study explained 24% of the variance in resilience at follow-up. Teens with less severe ADHD symptoms were significantly more likely to report feelings of peer acceptance.

Resilience was measured using the Brief Resilience Scale (BRS), which asked teens to measure their agreement with statements such as “I tend to bounce back quickly after hard times” and “I take a long time to get over setbacks in my life.”

Self-Efficacy

Self-efficacy mediated the relationship between peer acceptance and resilience, accounting for 39% of the variance in resilience at follow-up.

“Greater self-efficacy has been associated with positive outcomes for children and adolescents with ADHD, including lower levels of depression and internalizing symptoms, and reported higher quality of life,” wrote Elizabeth Chan, lead author of the study.

Though ADHD symptom severity did not change the positive effect of self-efficacy on resilience, existing research shows that ADHD symptoms can negatively impact self-esteem.

A Stress-Is-Enhancing Mindset

A stress-is-enhancing mindset accounted for 31% of the variance in resilience. Individuals with this mindset view obstacles as opportunities for learning and development. Teens with more severe ADHD symptoms needed at least a moderate stress-is-enhancing mindset to promote resilience.

A Positive Mindset Has Broad Impact

“One of the key attributes of resilient children and adults is when problems come up, they view these problems as challenges to be solved rather than overwhelmed by,” said Robert Brooks, Ph.D., a leading expert on resilience and motivation.

Healthy peer relationships are also critical for kids with ADHD, many of whom struggle to initiate and maintain friendships. Children tend to experience increased interpersonal problems as they enter adolescence.¹ Between 50% and 80% experience peer rejection, according to one study, which found classmates’ opinions of ADHD students are developed within the first 30 minutes and persist long after.²

“We have to help our children become much better problem solvers and believe in themselves… to start to feel that there are these problems, but there are [also] things we can do,” said Brooks during his 2022 ADDitude webinar “Nurturing Resilience and Motivation in Children with ADHD: The Search for ‘Islands of Competence.”

Existing research on ADHD has associated adaptive outcomes with a growth mindset, as noted by the authors. A growth mindset — the belief that one can change their abilities and circumstances — predicts fewer negative emotions, greater efficacy, and less avoidant coping.^{3, 4}

In contrast, those with a stress-is-debilitating mindset view stress consequentially and are more likely to act on impulse — a core symptom of ADHD. A study published by Society for Research in Child Development and cited by the authors found that, among 1,343 adolescents, more adverse life events predicted greater distress and decreased self-control.⁵ When participants viewed stress as beneficial, they were less likely to respond impulsively to negative events.

Support from Caregivers

No significant interaction was found between a stress-is-enhancing mindset and peer acceptance. According to research cited by the authors, support from parents and teachers may be more influential than support from peers in promoting this enhancing mindset, ^{6, 7} particularly when caregivers praise effort over ability.

Additionally, the presence of a charismatic adult — someone from whom children gather strength — has been associated with resilience in kids with ADHD.⁸ “In the absence of a good co-regulator, a solid, charismatic adult… we know that the likelihood of going on to have positive outcomes goes down,” said Cheryl Chase, Ph.D., in her 2022 webinar with ADDitude on how stress and trauma impact child development. “One charismatic adult can make a massive difference.”

“Despite the adverse outcomes associated with ADHD, some adolescents with ADHD perform as well as or better than their non-ADHD peers in one or more functional domain(s),” wrote Chan et al. “These individuals appear to exhibit resilience, or a pattern of positive adaptation, with some thriving despite the neurobehavioral risks associated with their diagnosis.”

Limitations & Future Research

This was the first study to look at peer acceptance as a predictor of resilience and self-efficacy as a mediator. It was also the first to examine a stress-is-enhancing mindset in the context of ADHD.

Analyses controlled for sex, ADHD symptoms, baseline resilience, and cohort. To be included, participants were required to meet DSM-5 criteria for ADHD combined or inattentive type. Adolescents were excluded if they had a previous or existing diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder, bipolar disorder, dissociative or psychotic disorder, or an organic sleep disorder.

Future research should examine the potential causes of gender discrepancy in levels of resilience, which were significantly lower among females with ADHD. A more diverse sample is also needed, as the population was mostly male (67%) and White or Non-Hispanic (81%). A large percentage of the variance in resilience (61%) was unaccounted for; researchers should consider other contributing factors. Self-report scales were used as a primary measure; more objective reporting tools should be considered for future studies. Exploring interventions that encourage greater peer acceptance and a stress-is-enhancing mindset would benefit the study population.

Sources

¹Chan, E.S.M., Dvorsky, M.R., Green, C.D., et al. (2024). Predictors and mechanisms of resilience for high school students with ADHD: a prospective longitudinal study. Child Psychiatry Hum Dev. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10578-024-01704-3

²Ferretti N.M., King S.L., Hilton D.C., Rondon A.T., & Jarrett M.A. (2019). Social functioning in youth with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder and sluggish cognitive tempo. Yale J Biol Med, 92(1), 29-35. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6430168/

³ Burnette, J.L., Babij, A.D., Oddo, L.E., &Knouse, L.E. (2020). Self-regulation mindsets: relationship to coping, executive functioning, and ADHD. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 39(2), 101-116. https://doi.org/10.1521/jscp.2020.39.02.101

⁴ Pay, C. (n.d.). How can I foster a growth mindset in my ADHD kids? Utah State University. https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/faq/how-can-i-foster-a-growth-mindset-in-my-adhd-kids

⁵ Park, D., Yu, A., Metz, S.E., Tsukayama, E., Crum, A.J., & Duckworth, A.L. (2018). Beliefs about stress attenuate the relation among adverse life events, perceived distress, and self-control. Child Dev 89(6), 2059–2069. https://doi.org/10.1111/cdev.12946

⁶ Haimovitz, K., & Dweck, C.S. (2016). What predicts children’s fixed and growth intelligence mindsets? Not their parents’ views of intelligence but their parents’ views of failure. Psychol Sci 27(6), 859–869. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797616639727

⁷ Park, D., Gunderson, E.A., Tsukayama, E., Levine, S.C., & Beilock, S.L. (2016). Young children’s motivational frameworks and math achievement: relation to teacher-reported instructional practices, but not teacher theory of intelligence. J Educ Psychol 108(3), 300. https://doi.org/10.1037/edu0000064

⁸ Ofiesh, N.S., & Mather, N. (2023). Resilience and the child with learning disabilities. In: Goldstein, S., & Brooks, R.B. (Eds.). Handbook of resilience in children. Springer, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-14728-9_25

Teens and young adults with ADHD fall into cannabis use for many reasons. Some do it to achieve quick relief from boredom, racing thoughts, and uncomfortable feelings. Some claim it helps them focus and sleep. Some use cannabis to feel “normal.”

Chronic users are especially resistant to and defensive over suggestions to discontinue or reduce cannabis use. Some may deny that their cannabis use is a problem, or that it’s dangerous at all. Others may claim that cannabis is the only thing that helps them — and why stop something that delivers relief?

The truth is this: Chronic cannabis use causes more harm than good in the long run, and there are better, more effective ways to get relief.

How to Help Teens Who Rely on Cannabis

1. Understand what draws your teen to cannabis. One of the best ways to engage anybody in a conversation about substance use is to ask about its appeal and perceived benefits. What does your teen like about cannabis? Why did they start? What do they get out of using it? Are there aspects of cannabis that they don’t like? Expect to have ongoing conversations about cannabis with your child.

2. Has your teen tried to quit? Unsuccessful efforts to cut down or limit cannabis is a possible sign of problematic use. But many don’t know where they stand, since they’ve never actually tried to quit.

[Read: What Should My Teen Know About Marijuana and ADHD?]

If your teen doesn’t see an issue with their cannabis use and is resistant to quitting, present a short challenge. Say, “If it’s not a problem, can you see how you feel if you don’t use it for three days? What if you delay the first use of the day?” The goal is to get your teen to see what they’re like on and off cannabis.

Abstaining for a few days or a week may result in improved memory and attention. At the same time, acute cannabis use affects judgment. Over time, it’s difficult for users to notice how they may have accommodated their life to fit cannabis use. Work with your teen to help them notice changes.

3. Make it inconvenient. Barriers of any kind can help, especially if your teen struggles to reduce cannabis use because of availability. Encourage your teen to let their supply completely run out. If willpower and accountability are issues, consider storing cannabis in a time-lock safe.

4. Help your teen get better sleep. Sleep disturbances may drive cannabis use, but cannabis use only worsens sleep problems over time. Help your teen build healthy sleep habits, like adhering to regular sleep-wake times, avoiding screens close to bedtime, and practicing relaxation exercises prior to sleep. Spending time in natural light can help regulate the sleep-wake cycle.

Heavy users may experience insomnia when reducing or quitting cannabis — a common withdrawal symptom that can last up to three weeks. Talk to your teen’s doctor about a temporary sleep aid if this happens. In addition, targeted sleep interventions from CBT for insomnia to chronotherapy are available. Work with a doctor to find the right fit for your teen.

5. Is your teen’s ADHD being treated? Chronic cannabis use may be your teen’s way of coping with ADHD, depression, anxiety, a sleep disorder, and/or other underlying conditions. Is your teen’s cannabis use linked to any of these conditions? If so, are the conditions being treated optimally? Identifying and effectively treating all underlying issues can reduce your teen’s motivation to use cannabis to self-medicate.

6. Discuss relevant benefits of sobriety. How will refraining from cannabis use help your teen be present for activities and experiences that matter to them? From playing a sport to driving a car, your teen will need access to their full physical and cognitive abilities to engage, which won’t be possible if they’re under the influence.

7. Band with other parents who are in the same boat. It will be more challenging for your teen to stop or reduce cannabis use if their friends are also using. If circumstances allow for it, collaborate with the parents of your teen’s friends to collectively curb their cannabis use.

8. Make your teen aware of the truth. Teens may think themselves immune to any negative outcomes from cannabis use, especially when it provides them with quick relief. But your teen needs to know some potentially sobering truths: Chronic cannabis use changes the brain, zaps motivation, and worsens executive functioning, which is already impaired in ADHD, and it triggers other outcomes.^{1 2 3} It alters the brain’s reward center so that cannabis becomes the only thing the brain may find rewarding, and barely at that.

Your teen may be using cannabis to distance themselves from their problems, but the unfortunate reality is that chronic use only attracts more problems and impairs your teen’s distress tolerance skills. Reducing cannabis use will allow your teen to feel discomfort – a necessary motivator for change – and perhaps recognize that they can withstand tough feelings or learn to tolerate them with the help of a doctor. Either way, there are better, healthier ways of coping.

How to Stop Smoking Weed: Next Steps for Parents of ADHD Teens

• Self-Test: Signs of Substance Use Disorder
• Read: Better Sleep May Reduce Cannabis Use in ADHD Adolescents
• Read: How to Treat a Teen Self-Medicating ADHD and Anxiety with Marijuana

The content for this article was derived from the ADDitude ADHD Experts webinar titled, “How Cannabis Use Affects ADHD Symptoms and Sleep in Adolescents” [Video Replay & Podcast #504] with Mariely Hernandez, Ph.D., which was broadcast on May 7, 2024.

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Sources

¹ Burggren, A. C., Siddarth, P., Mahmood, Z., London, E. D., Harrison, T. M., Merrill, D. A., Small, G. W., & Bookheimer, S. Y. (2018). Subregional hippocampal thickness abnormalities in older adults with a history of heavy cannabis use. Cannabis and Cannabinoid Research, 3(1), 242–251. https://doi.org/10.1089/can.2018.0035

²Broyd, S. J., van Hell, H. H., Beale, C., Yücel, M., & Solowij, N. (2016). Acute and chronic effects of cannabinoids on human cognition-a systematic review. Biological Psychiatry, 79(7), 557–567. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.biopsych.2015.12.002

³Peraza, N., Smit, T., Garey, L., Manning, K., Buckner, J. D., & Zvolensky, M. J. (2019). Distress tolerance and cessation-related cannabis processes: The role of cannabis use coping motives. Addictive Behaviors, 90, 164–170. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.addbeh.2018.10.047