On April 29, the Trump administration announced it was cutting $1 billion in funding for federal grants used to hire and train 14,000 mental health professionals in 260 public school districts across 49 states.

The grants originated in 2022’s Bipartisan Safer Communities Act, a bill that passed the Senate with unanimous consent following the school shooting in Uvalde, Texas, where 22 people died, including 19 elementary school children. The bill was largely seen as important recognition of and support for an escalating mental health crisis among American youth.

In April, the Trump administration eliminated all funding for these grants, blaming Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) initiatives associated with them. Specifically, the administration objected to grant money being used to train and recruit diverse mental health counselors who reflect the demographic make-up of the students they serve.

Meanwhile, research shows that BIPOC students benefit from access to a diverse cohort of mental health professionals¹, and the inverse is true as well.

“We see studies that show a bias in the way that Black children, in particular, are treated in the health care system compared to white children,” said Tumaini Rucker Coker, M.D., during the ADDitude webinar “Equity in ADHD Care.” “It is directly related to racial bias. Black families are less likely than white families to have concordance or a shared lived experience with their healthcare providers, and studies have shown that Black adults are more likely than white adults to report lower levels of trust in their providers as well.”

[Read: “As Inclusion Disappears, My Mask Reappears”]

Furthermore, “studies show that Black families tend to have worse outcomes with white doctors,” said Napoleon B. Higgins, Jr., M.D., during his ADDitude webinar “Health Equity in ADHD.” “That is that is a sad thing to hear, but if we can educate more providers, maybe we could change that.”

Recently, ADDitude invited its readers’ reflections on news of the $1 billion in cuts to youth mental health services. Nearly 200 people responded, and many of them expressed concern that all students’ mental health may suffer because of the cuts, but especially those with autism, ADHD, and learning differences, who may benefit from seeing school counselors with similar lived experiences.

[Read: “DEI – and Neurodivergence – Are Under Attack”]

ADDitude Readers React to Mental Health Funding Cuts

“As a school social worker and the parent of a child who has an IEP, I consider Trump’s cuts to funding for public school mental health to be gross negligence. I think that it highlights his ignorance on the issues plaguing our youth. I also find it irresponsible. Our kids still are not okay ever since COVID. I believe that it will impact the services that my son receives.”

“Students need to feel safe and be OK within themselves before they can take in the knowledge to learn anything. Cutting access to mental health services means that students who are at-risk learners due to factors outside a school’s or educator’s control may become disengaged learners. This leads to more problematic and potentially anti-social behavior.”

“As a former teacher of students with disabilities, I am concerned. Students need safe places to go and get mental health support. Parents are doing their best but don’t always have the resources to support their children.”

“All three of my children are neurodiverse, and this can take a toll on their mental health. Having supports like counselors, DEI programs, and other accessibility programs is vital. I now have two children in college and one entering high school.”

“I am a school counselor and my son has ADHD. We’re already incredibly behind on providing mental health services to students. These cuts are only going to significantly increase the percentage of students whose health needs are hardly or never addressed.”

“Every child should have the support they need to excel in school. School mental health services are critical for this.”

“I don’t understand why we are defunding mental health awareness, advocacy, and resources. It really doesn’t make any sense to me. It seems like we had made such strides forward in mental health, but now we’re going backward for some reason. I understand cutting expenses to cut spending and improve the national deficit, but it seems like we are cutting very vital and necessary things. It’s like trying to cut back on your own budget by deciding to not buy groceries anymore.”

Understanding Trump’s Funding Freeze: Next Steps

• Read: Generation AnXiety — Findings on ADHD & the Mental Health Crisis
• Learn:Youth Mental Health Care Is Vital. And Hard to Access.
• Watch: Mental Health Out Loud Webinar

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude . To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Sources

¹
McGuire, TG., Miranda, J. (March-April 2008). New evidence regarding racial and ethnic disparities in mental health: policy implications. Health Affairs.https://doi.org/10.1377/hlthaff.27.2.393

Lift your child’s spirits (and your own!) with these feel-good, strengths-focused tips informed by the principles of positive psychology.

1. At the dinner table, emphasize the good they did that day.

Use dinnertime as an opportunity to focus on everything that went well that day and how your child’s efforts contributed to positivity. Ask questions or prompts like the following:

• “Tell us what you got right today.”
• “Tell me when you stayed on task and got your work done.”
• “Did you stay calm when something upsetting happened today? What was it?”
• “Did you almost do something bad today, but decided not to do it? What was it? How did you stop yourself?”
• “Tell us something you remembered to do today, that you used to forget.”
• “Did you get along well with other kids today in a group? You welcomed ideas and listened? Tell us about it.”

2. Point out their strengths every chance you get.

Children with ADHD have their challenges pointed out to them every day by everyone in authority. What often gets forgotten or overlooked, though, is building awareness of their strengths.

Children with ADHD will grow into successful, happy adults not because their deficits were erased, but because their strengths were identified, nurtured, and developed through adolescence and into young adulthood. Good teachers, coaches, and other leaders understand this. You’ll observe it in how they talk about children.

[Get This Free Download: Conversation Starters for Parents & Kids to Foster Bonds]

“Your daughter is dynamic in class. When she expresses a strong opinion, she expresses herself well, and the other students listen.”

“Your son took a leadership role and organized the whole project, delegating duties to the others. He really has leadership skills.”

Make it a rule to point out the positives, even as you’re navigating challenges.

“You push my buttons sometimes, but I noticed that you were so kind to your grandmother today at the assisted living home, and to the others as well. The way you show kindness to others is amazing.”

3. Focus on the progress, not the gaps.

Children and adolescents with ADHD often lag behind their peers in some key skills, such as staying on task, remembering important information, and controlling their impulsive behavior.

Awareness of gaps is important, but it shouldn’t be the whole picture. As I learned from a wise parent many years ago, focusing too much on where your child ought to be leads to discouragement and despair. “My child will never grow up! They’ll never make it!”

[Read: Shake Loose of Your Limiting Beliefs — A Guide for Teens with ADHD]

Instead, it is much better to look backward in time and focus on the progress your child has made. In my own practice, I work with families to create a list of small, reachable goals for their child for the next six months, not unlike a school IEP. At the end of this period, we do a review, that might go something like this:

• My child struggled to flush the toilet in the past, but now they are doing it more than half the time.
• My child would argue with me about starting homework, but now they get started on their own about half the time.
• We’ve worked on cleaning up messes, and now they’re doing it almost all the time.  I have to remind them a few times here and there.
• My child has made it through a whole semester without getting suspended, not even once.

4. Close out the day with affection and empathy.

Raising a child with unique needs can put a great deal of undue stress on the parent-child bond. At the end of the day, repair the bond. Understand that your child is not purposefully trying to give you a hard time. No one wants to live a life with challenges.

Give your child a hug. Offer empathy. “It’s not easy, is it? I forgive you. Forgive me for yelling at you. I need a hug, too. Tomorrow is a new day, and we’ll start over, trying to get things right.”

5. Send positive messages of hope and optimism for the future.

Be a beacon of light for your child, especially as they pass through the adolescent and young adult years. Even a kind text message here and there can be well received.

• “You have many strengths (name them). Use those today to be successful.”
• “Today is a new day. Make a fresh start. Get things right. I know you can do it.”
• “You have family and friends all around you who love you and are rooting for you. They are ready to help you, anytime.”
• “You are growing, changing, and learning from your mistakes. You have a way to go, but you’re making progress. Keep at it.”

Positive Attitude in ADHD Kids: Next Steps

• Read: “I Believe In You!” How to Vanquish a Child’s Low Self-Esteem
• Read: How to Invest In Your Child’s “Emotional Bank Account”
• Read: How to Explain ADHD in Positive, Empowering Terms
• Get This eBook: The ADHD Positive Parenting Guide

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

References

Seligman, M.  2006.  Learned Optimism. Vintage.

Seligman, M.  2004.  Authentic Happiness. Simon Element / Simon Acumen

If these tired (but undying) parenting tropes trigger a hidden rage or sadness, you might have a child with ADHD. Because, no, every day should not be held dear. And some moments can’t pass by quickly enough. And accelerated maturation is typically not the problem.

The truth is that most parenting advice is bad advice for the parents of children with ADHD. Our circumstances are complicated and the solutions that work for everyone else typically just make us feel bad about ourselves. So, what does help?

[Free Download: Cheat Sheet of ADHD Discipline Strategies]

In a recent ADDitude survey, 177 parents recommended the resources that work for them — from helpful books to online tools produced by experts in the field. The tools are varied, but one benefit was universal: feeling heard, validated, and supported regarding the real, pervasive challenges associated with parenting a child with ADHD.

Readers’ most recommended books for parents included the following:

• Understanding Girls with ADHD by Kathleen Nadeau, Ph.D.; Patricia Quinn, M.D.; and Ellen Littman, Ph.D.
• The Emotional Lives of Teenagers by Lisa Damour, Ph.D.
• The ADHD Empowerment Guide by James Forgan, Ph.D. and Mary Anne
• Mindful Parenting for ADHD by Mark Bertin, M.D.
• Raising Girls Who Like Themselves by Kasey Edwards and Christopher Scanlon, Ph.D.
• Gifted and Distractible by Julie F. Skolnick, MA, JD.
• What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew by Sharon Saline, Psy.D., and Laura Markham, Ph.D.
• 14 Talks Before Age 14 by Michelle Icard
• The Price of Privilege by Madeline Levine Ph.D.
• How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
• How to Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis, LPC

[Free Parenting Guide for Moms and Dads with ADHD]

Still other parents recommended Jessica McCabe’s YouTube channel “How to ADHD,” and Ryan Wexelblatt’s “ADHD Dude” website.

Popular podcasts included the following:

• “Beautifully Complex” by Penny Williams
• “Calm Parenting” by Kirk Martin
• “ADHD Experts” by ADDitude

More Parenting Books and Resources Recommended by ADDitude Readers

“I think what I’ve appreciated the most is stories from experts and parents who are neurodivergent and have a child that is neurodivergent. It gives me a sense of being seen and heard.”

“ADDitude podcasts have really helped, as did CHADD’s Baltimore conference a few years ago. The ‘ADHD Rewired’ podcast has helped. On Instagram, @adhd_love has really helped me to laugh and to feel compassion for myself and neurodivergent family members. All of these resources have helped me to have a better understanding of myself and my children — and to feel greater acceptance, patience, and compassion toward us all.”

“I started listening to the ‘ADHD Chatter’ podcast soon after I was diagnosed, and I found that listening to the experiences of others helped me find my new identity. Taking Charge of ADHD by Russell Barkley, Ph.D., was written specifically for parents of ADHD children and has served as a blueprint for how we parent. ADDA, CHADD, and ADDitude publish resources that have been extremely helpful in how we organize our lives, how we practice self-care, how we work to regulate our emotions for a more stable home, and so on.”

“I love the book ADHD for Smart Ass Women by Tracy Otsuka. Knowing about myself helps me to know how I can help my daughter.”

“The ‘Weirds of a Feather’ podcast makes me feel like I’m talking to people that really know me and what I’m going through.”

“Unique by Jodi Rodgers has been amazing for helping me to learn to accept my kid’s ADHD and autistic behavior. It helped me see that many of these behaviors are more normal than I thought. It also made me think more about what drives the behavior…. The Glass House by Anne Buist and Graeme Simsion was also great. We have a lot of food aversions, and this book was the first one that made me realize that my child’s mental health is just as important, if not more so, than eating healthy food…. This book made me realize that my anger and frustration are causing more damage to my son’s mental stress than the physical damage of eating whatever he wants.”

“When we first started this part of our journey, I really enjoyed TiLT Parenting because it helped to normalize our experiences and also gave us (and our kids) language to describe the experience. We also got a lot of ideas to try together, and it was normalized that things that might work today, might not work tomorrow. At the height of my eldest son’s symptoms at the start of middle school as we were working toward getting him set up with help to succeed, we used a lot of tips and tools from Seth Perler’s vlog/website. I also have used information I’ve learned in the Executive Function Online Summit that he presents to support my children, myself, and youth I work with in the community.”

“Dr. Russell Barkley’s podcasts and videos prompted me to ask: Is the child’s behavior deliberate or beyond their control? When I asked this question to myself, it helped to step back and observe first.”

“As a parent of a child with ADHD and a psychologist who diagnoses ADHD and other differences, I get a lot of use out of All Dogs Have ADHD by Kathy Hoopmann. The photographs of the dogs are fun and engaging for readers of all ages, and the message of the book is empathetic and strengths based. It opens the door to good conversations about what features of ADHD show up for the unique child, and which don’t. In this way, sharing the book with the child helps foster self-awareness and solidarity with the many others who are neurodivergent in this way. I love it!”

“Dr. Russ Barkley’s 12 Principles for Raising a Child with ADHD is a short, no-nonsense, realistic guide. For me, hearing ‘It’s not a knowledge problem; it’s a production problem’ was very insightful.”

“I enjoy The Calm Parenting podcast. I have a strong-willed neurodivergent daughter who challenges med on a daily basis — and drains my energy. This podcast really helps me understand her and work with her. I also like the perspective that my neurodivergent kid needs to be treated like junior employees. This helps fights the inclination to yell, shame, and tell of. But instead to help them succeed, guide them, support them and decision to trust their judgement sometimes :-)”

“Mona Delahooke’s books on brain-body parenting have been a real eye-opener for us regarding how our and our kids’ bodies react in different situations and how to work with that. I really appreciate her down-to-earth approach, plain language, and compassion.”

“The book What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew by Dr. Sharon Saline and Dr. Laura Markham emphasizes how kids with ADHD basically spend their entire school day facing negative feedback and encourages parents to keep that in mind when you want to provide even more negative feedback to your child.”

“Discipline without Damage by Dr Vanessa Lapointe is great book for parenting in general same principles should be applied to ADHD but giving some room for where the child is at and particular areas they struggle in. It even has a section on exceptional (neurodivergent) kids.”

“Your Child is Not Broken by Heidi Mavir. I found it refreshing to get a perspective of a real mom advocating for her child and the teen’s perspective.”

Parenting Books and Resources for ADHD Families: Next Steps

• Listen: The Power of Behavioral Parent Training for ADHD
• Read: How to Deal with Anger From Your Child
• Access: Free Parenting Guide for Caregivers with ADHD

SUPPORT ADDITUDE

Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Pathological Demand Avoidance: Key Takeaways

• PDA is a behavioral profile characterized by intense, anxiety-driven resistance to everyday demands and expectations.
• Children with PDA have extremely reactive nervous systems that prime them to interpret requests and expectations as threats. Alongside this pressure-sensitivity lies an intense need for equity and autonomy.
• Children who fit the PDA profile need a flexible, low-key, and low-demand parenting approach that prioritizes collaboration over command and connection over compliance.

What Is Pathological Demand Avoidance?

Learning about Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) — a profile characterized by intense, anxiety-driven resistance to everyday demands and expectations — finally helped me understand my son, Max, and how to support him.

During his early years, Max would frequently refuse to do what was asked of him and insist everything be done his way. He would inexplicably melt down or erupt in anger over seemingly minor issues. By the time he was 7, he had collected several diagnoses, including ADHD, autism, and ODD. Commonly suggested behavioral strategies for neurodivergent children — from setting clear rules to using checklists, visual timers, and liberally doling out praise — didn’t help. In fact, all they seemed to do was set up further power struggles where everyone lost.

If this story sounds familiar, learning about PDA may also help you.

Children with PDA have extremely reactive nervous systems that prime them to interpret requests and expectations as threats. Alongside this pressure-sensitivity lies an intense need for equity and autonomy. As such, children who fit the PDA profile need an approach that prioritizes collaboration over command and connection over compliance. They need a flexible, low-key, and low-demand parenting approach — an approach that, admittedly, did not come naturally to me and my husband. Oh, and did I mention that it requires parents to be very skilled at regulating their own emotions?

Ultimately, all parents raising unusually challenging kids want the same things. We all want to bring the best version of ourselves to our parenting. We all want a loving and stable connection with our child. We all want to feel less confused and overwhelmed and more confident, joyful, and hopeful along the way. We all want our kids — our complicated, wonderful kids — to thrive. To that end, here are the approaches that have helped us support our son more effectively and see positive change.

Pathological Demand Avoidance: 8 Essential Shifts for Parents

1. Look Through a Brain-Based Lens

Ross Greene, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and author of The Explosive Child, has a saying that has served us well for navigating PDA: “Kids do well if they can.” 

[Read: 10 Rules for Dealing with the Explosive Child]

If you find yourself using words like disobedient or defiant to describe your child, it’s a sign that you’re viewing them through a behavioral lens. You are assuming that their challenging behaviors are intentional and fully within their ability to control. When it comes to PDA, it’s a lens that evokes frustration and anger.

Switch to a brain-based lens, and you’ll remember that: (1) Children who fit the PDA profile are predisposed to interpret demands as threats to their safety and autonomy; and (2) Demands and pressure trigger strong stress responses that emerge as challenging behavior. It’s a perspective shift that reduces frustration and leads to more productive responses.

2. Reduce Demands

In the context of PDA, the term “demands” refers to any expectation or perceived expectation placed upon an individual. Demands can be direct instructions (e.g., “put your shoes on”), routine tasks (e.g., showering or brushing teeth), implicit or social expectations (e.g., making eye contact in conversation, greeting someone politely), transitions and changes, or even internal demands such as those related to hunger, thirst, or toileting.

Because our pressure-sensitive children have very reactive nervous systems, demands can trigger intense anxiety and lead to resistance, avoidance, or emotional outbursts.

[Read: Defiance, Defused — A Roadmap to Radical Behavior Change]

Navigating a day’s worth of demands can progressively drain our child’s capacity to cope. To help them conserve energy so that they can meet unavoidable or essential demands, it’s important that we drop unessential ones to reduce the load.

3. Prioritize Connection and Collaboration

As parents, when we encounter resistance, avoidance, or refusal, it is frequently tempting to dig in ourselves and insist on compliance. When it comes to PDA, however, taking this approach often leads to power struggles that create additional distress. Prioritizing deep listening, flexibility, and collaborative problem solving will help your child feel safer and more in control.

4. Learn to Self-Regulate

Ultimately, we want our demand avoidant child to learn how to better regulate their own threat-response reactions and cope more effectively with demands. However, we parents are going to need all the self-regulation skills that underpin these abilities long before our demand avoidant children are capable of applying them consistently.

No matter how good you get at connecting and collaborating with your child, you are not going to be able to sidestep or defuse every meltdown or explosion. PDA kids are intense and it is easy to get swept up in their emotional storms. As such, it is essential for us as parents to get good at grounding ourselves—to learn how to better manage our own stress responses, frustration, and anger, so that we can stay calmer under pressure.

5. Plan for Explosive Moments

Intense meltdowns are common with demand-avoidant children. These episodes can be distressing for everyone involved, especially when they involve destructive or violent behavior. It’s important for parents to develop a contingency “rage plan” that identifies clear priorities during an extreme meltdown. “Protect, defuse, de-escalate” is our mantra for navigating explosive moments.

6. Upskill in Relationship Repair

At times your own grounding skills are going to fail you and you will experience parenting moments that you wish you could redo. What then? You practice self-compassion and then you repair. You return to that moment of disconnection, take responsibility for your behavior, and acknowledge its impact on your child. This will build trust and strengthen your connection.

7. Lean Into Your Child’s Fascinations

Many PDA children have strong special interests. They may love fishing, dinosaurs, Minecraft…you name it. You may not love these things with the same focused intensity as your child, but these fascinations are gateways to deep connection.

Spend time with your child as they engage in the things they love. Be with them, learn with them (let them teach you), play with them, and talk with them about their interests. When you genuinely take an interest in what they love, you’re building the sort of relationship that increases their willingness to join you when you ask things of them.

8. Focus on What You Can Control (Spoiler: That’s Yourself)

• Pick your battles. Raising a demand-avoidant child will force you to challenge your own hardwired assumptions about parenting. Most of us were taught to value hierarchy and authority. We often step into parenting expecting that our children “should” comply and obey. These approaches simply don’t work for children who fit a PDA profile. When I catch myself feeling like my child “should” be doing something they’re resisting, I pause and ask myself, “Why does this matter to me?” and “How important is this, really?”
• Remember the ultimate goal: A positive parent-child relationship. We may not be able to get our children to brush their teeth, take showers, attend school, or do any number of things we would like them to do. However, we can control who we are and how we show up in our relationships with them. Real change usually starts with us. When we focus less on “fixing” or “controlling” our child and more on understanding, adapting, and reshaping our expectations, we often see more of the connection and progress we’re longing for.

Pathological Demand Avoidance: Next Steps

• Free Download: How to End Confrontations and Defiance
• Read: The Parents’ Guide to Dismantling Oppositional, Defiant Behavior
• Read: 6 Truths About Child Behavior Problems That Unlock Better Behavior
• Read: 10 Rules for Dealing with the Explosive Child

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Defiant behavior may manifest as a child easily (and frequently) losing their temper, arguing with adults because of rules, or acting out violently. Reports suggest that 40% of children with ADHD experience oppositional and/or defiant behavior. ¹

[Free Download: Why Is My Child So Defiant?]

Behavioral disorders may stem from the deficits in executive functioning so commonly seen in ADHD, which can affect individuals’ abilities to plan, prioritize, and execute. All of this impacts the individual’s life — and the lives of those around them.

Family dynamics may be caught in the crossfire as children get frustrated with their caregivers, and caregivers tire of scaffolding a routine of daily tasks that their kids have difficulty sticking to, leading to nagging, frustration, and defiant behavior.

[Free Resource: Is It More Than Just ADHD?]

Studies suggest that some parenting techniques are more effective than others in addressing defiant behavior among children with ADHD, specifically. Such techniques can be especially useful in helping parents establish routines with their children.

Prescription ADHD medication used in conjunction with behavioral parent training helps many families learn how to best stem and respond to defiant behavior, as outlined in the ADDitude article, “ Why Is My Child So Angry and Defiant? An Overview of Oppositional Defiant Disorder” and in the recent webinar, “The Power of Behavioral Parent Training .”

In a recent survey, ADDitude asked its readers whether their children with ADHD displayed defiant behaviors and, if so, how those behaviors affected family dynamics. Several respondents said have felt a significant impacted and that they are struggling to develop productive and healthy responses.

Life with My Defiant Child

“Everyday, every request is a battle. A simple request such as, ‘Please brush your teeth’ or ‘Let’s finish your homework,’ turns into a fight. We are all on edge and really dread homework time, dinner time, and bedtime.”

“Having a child with ADHD often comes with some oppositional defiance challenges. Things can be going smoothly, and then, out of nowhere, something that seems minor to you can trigger a reaction, setting off a chain of events.”

“It takes a lot of mental energy to get through the days, especially when you also have ADHD and the emotional dysregulation is tough. Your other kids suffer because you are always focused on getting the child with ADHD through the day. My daughter is nearly 18, and I think we are slowly coming out the other side. It isn’t a straight path, and we have tried many different things — different schools, sports, medication, psychiatrists, psychologists. I think you just have to hold on for the ride and get through each day.”

“It is so hard. No matter what we do, our daughter pushes us away and refuses to do simple necessary activities, like brushing her teeth and getting dressed. She’s 8 years old, and I wonder if this behavior is ever going to end. It is very taxing when everyone else is ready, and we still have a defiant child refusing to get ready.”

Parenting Techniques to Address Defiant Behavior

“Both of my ADHD kids appear defiant when they are anxious and trying to control the situation, or when they feel overwhelmed. In those circumstances, they return a reflexive ‘no’ to every question before they have the chance to think about it. This has impacted our lives far less since we learned to slow down and figure out what is happening in their heads rather than let the behavior shake us.”

“Telling them to do something will never result in it getting done. You need to gently ask and convince them to do it.”

“Almost every time I ask my son to do something, even if it is something he likes or a simple request, he instinctively says no. It took a while, but I realized I could wait a few minutes for him to actually process what I said, and then gently repeat my request. He would usually have no problem complying once given the time to mentally process and transition. This break means he can communicate his thoughts, and we can discuss with cool heads.”

“My daughter has a history of oppositional defiance since a young age. It often looks like her needing to do something opposite of what we ask for the sake of being opposite. With the help of a child psychologist, we’ve worked hard as a parenting team to praise/reinforce following rules, and this has worked well to stem this behavior.”

My Defiant Child: Next Steps

• Read: “The Parents’ Guide to Dismantling Oppositional, Defiant Behavior“
• Watch: ““From Battles to Bonding: A Parent’s Guide to Trading Defiance for Cooperation“
• Free Download: “Why Is My Child So Defiant?“

Sources

¹ Riley M, Ahmed S, Locke A. “Common Questions About Oppositional Defiant Disorder.” American Family Physician (Apr. 2016). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/27035043

Poor impulse control can cause teens with ADHS to make poor choices – and lie about those choices. Lying stems from avoidance, denial, or a desire to skirt punishment.

But lying compounds the problem. There’s the lie, and then there’s the original problem that caused the lie.

There is something called earned trust. Through their actions, children and adolescents build on or destroy what has accumulated in a “trust bank account” with their parents. Kids think their trust bank accounts are flush with cash just because they exist. That’s not the case. Trust is earned. When a parent loses trust because a child lied, the child must earn it back, perhaps by complying with agreements or behaviors you both negotiated, for example.

When younger kids with ADHD lie, it doesn’t typically mean they’re trying to deceive you. Usually, kids lie to increase comfort in the present moment. Kids or teens may lie because they feel uncomfortable or ashamed, or in hopes of reducing stress or minimizing conflict.

[Free Download: Your 10 Toughest Discipline Problems — Solved!]

I suggest that you sit down with your child or adolescent and say, “There’s lying going on. How do we want to handle that? Let’s talk about agreements and logical consequences.”

Here’s a critical point to remember as a parent: You can’t ask for honesty and then punish it. If you say, “I want you to call me at any hour, wherever you are, and I’ll pick you up,” then you must follow through on this promise without judgement.

The ride home is not the time for lectures or to express your frustration. Refrain from telling them all the things that they’re going to lose; otherwise, they’re not going to confide in or call you again when they’re in a pickle. Instead, wait and gather your thoughts carefully. There’s nothing wrong with making your kids sweat a little bit. Then have the conversation later when everybody is calmer – and more clear-headed.

A positive response to dishonesty includes discussion and understanding; don’t shut things down with anger, guilt, blame, and shaming. When you show up with curiosity and compassion, you offer your child the opportunity to come clean and work with you on collaborative solutions to earn back your trust. This process builds connection and reduces conflict.

Parenting a Habitual Liar: Next Steps

• Read: A Survival Guide for Parents with ADHD: Strategies from Preschool to High School
• Free Download: Questions to Get Your Child Talking
• Watch: “A Parent’s Guide to Trading Defiance for Cooperation”

Sharon Saline, Psy.D., is a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with children, teens, and families living with ADHD and coexisting conditions.

As many as 62% of kids with ADHD receive a diagnosis and a prescription for medication without a recommendation for any type of parent behavior training or family therapy, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics. In a recent ADDitude survey, 57% of parents said they had participated in parent training. Of those, an astounding 93% recommended it.

Caregivers exert the greatest influence on their kids’ lives, and, let’s be honest, raising a child with ADHD can be extremely challenging. Parents may become frustrated, lose their temper, make allowances for inappropriate behaviors, or just give up in the face of relentless negative habits and attitudes. This is where parent behavior training, also called behavioral parent training (BPT), can help.

Moving from Reactivity to Proactivity

Parent training refers to a series of interventions designed to help caregivers learn effective strategies to manage their own emotions as well as their child’s behavior. The goals revolve around using positive reinforcement, setting effective boundaries, and providing scaffolding to increase positive connections, reduce negativity, and enhance a child’s successes.

This type of training helps parents learn to be proactive rather than reactive. The reactive parent responds to a child’s behaviors with threats of punishment based on intense feelings rather than logical thinking. Punishment fails to work in the long term because children with ADHD will need other options in their toolkit.

[Free Download: Your Guide to Parent Training Programs]

A good parent behavior training program can do the following:

• Teach parents real-world strategies for positive reinforcement and consistent discipline.
• Teach self-regulation, de-escalation, and calming strategies.
• Improve parent-child communication through reflective listening and accountability.
• Help parents set realistic expectations and routines based on their child’s skills and abilities.
• Replace reactive parenting with proactive strategies that rely on incentives rather than threats.

6 Popular Training Programs

The most effective parent training programs increase positive parent-child interactions by elevating the quality of attachment, the ability to communicate effectively, and the willingness to set and enforce boundaries. Here are six programs popular among families living with ADHD.

Parent-Child Interaction Therapy

Format: A therapist in an observation room watches parents interact with their child in real time. Parents wear an earpiece to receive in-the-moment parenting strategies from the therapist.

Goals:

• To help your child feel calm, confident, and secure in your relationship
• To learn how to be confident and calm in the face of your child’s most difficult behaviors

The Incredible Years

Format: Trained facilitators use video vignettes to present content and stimulate discussion. Separate programs are offered for parents of toddlers, preschoolers, and school-age children.

Goals:

• To strengthen parent-child interactions
• To foster parents’ ability to promote kids’ social and emotional development
• To reduce school dropout rates and delinquent behaviors
• To promote academic success

[Free Webinar: “The Power of Behavioral Parent Training for ADHD”]

Positive Parenting Program (Triple P)

Format: This online program is designed for two groups: parents of children ages 12 and under, and parents of children ages 10 to 16. The program provides a mix of videos, worksheets, tips, and activities that take 30 to 60 minutes to complete.

Goals:

• To set discipline guidelines
• To build parent confidence
• To raise happy children

Helping the Noncompliant Child

Format: Training sessions for parents and children ages 3 to 8. Skills are taught using active teaching methods, such as extensive demonstration, role play, and real-time practice.

Goals: To foster positive interaction by:

• Reducing parental coercive behaviors
• Giving positive attention to the child for appropriate behavior
• Setting limits and consequences

Parent Management Training

Format: Parents of children with moderate to severe behavioral difficulties work with a certified trainer online, in person, or over the phone.

Goals:

• To teach parents how to help their children cultivate positive behavior
• To learn how to effectively deal with anxiety and negative behavior

GenerationPMTO

Format: GenerationPMTO is an intervention program that is provided to individual families or parent groups, in person or via telehealth. The structure of individual training programs differs by location, both nationally and internationally.

Goals:

• To promote social skills that reduce delinquency, deviant peer associations, and mood disorders in parents and youths

Tips for Finding a Provider

Ask these key questions when interviewing a prospective therapist, coach, or program administrator:

1. What is your education in a particular parent behavior training model? Do you hold a certificate, license, or other accreditation in your field?
2. What is your training in ADHD and child development?
3. How do you monitor and support your clients’ progress?
4. What additional support is available after the program ends?

Behavioral Parent Training (BPT): Next Steps

• Free Download: 5 Ways to Improve Emotional Control at Home
• Read: How Does Behavior Therapy Work?
• Read: When Behavioral Parent Training is Working — But Tough to Maintain
• Sign Up: Parenting Class for ADHD Families

Sharon Saline, Psy.D., is a clinical psychologist and author.

Ryan Wexelblatt, LCSW, is a school social worker, camp director, and father to a son with ADHD and learning differences.

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Typing and handwriting lecture notes are equally effective methods for helping students with ADHD learn and recall information presented in class, and each one is far superior to taking no notes, finds a new study conducted by researchers at Indiana University. In addition, researchers found that both slower handwriting speed and worse sustained attention were related to higher ADHD symptoms.¹

In the study, 152 college students (46 with an ADHD diagnosis, 105 without) were divided into three groups: one cohort was instructed to handwrite notes, one was instructed to type notes, and one was instructed not to take notes. The students then watched a 15-minute TED talk and were given a free response quiz with no opportunity to review their notes. In addition to grading the assessment, researchers measured the participants’ handwriting speed, typing speed, fine motor dexterity, sustained attention, and severity of ADHD symptoms.

The learning benefit associated with both handwriting and typing notes was greater for students with higher ADHD symptom severity, causing researchers to conclude that, “active notetaking facilitates significant encoding gains in individuals with higher ADHD symptoms, critically suggesting that not taking notes is especially detrimental for those with higher symptoms.”

Challenges of Note Taking with ADHD

Previous research has demonstrated that students with ADHD face considerable challenges taking effective notes because of issues with working memory, transcription fluency, handwriting speed, and listening comprehension.^{2, 3}

Because of this, many postsecondary students with ADHD receive academic accommodations that allow them to receive copies of notes, either from a designated notetaker, a speech-to-text software, or an artificial intelligence note-taking program.

While notetaking accommodations offer students with ADHD access to good, quality notes they might not be able to produce themselves, the process of note-taking itself offers benefits that student with notetaking accommodations may be missing, the study’s researchers explain.

“The in-the-moment, active process of transcribing lecture information via notetaking facilitates learning, independent of studying, coined as the encoding effect,” ⁴ write the study’s authors. “It is theorized that encoding benefits arise from the sensorimotor engagement notetaking affords through transcription, as well as the cognitively demanding nature of the notetaking process.”

The study’s authors point out the dearth of research exploring whether notetaking accommodations actually reduce academic impairment related to ADHD, and they urge educators and providers supporting students with ADHD to consider that, “not taking notes may prevent individuals with higher ADHD symptoms from benefiting from initial learning gains active notetaking affords.”

Handwritten and Typed Notes Equally Beneficial

While notetaking’s cognitively demanding nature is precisely what gives rise to its benefits — including helping students with ADHD sustain attention — it is also why students with ADHD avoid or struggle to take notes.

Susan Kreuger, M.Ed., offers more detail about why notetaking is so taxing, in an ADDitude article titled “Notes on Taking Notes:” “Taking notes should be more than writing down information as a teacher is lecturing. A student needs to pay attention and try to understand what the teacher is teaching. He should be able to distinguish the big picture from insignificant details.”

For some, notetaking is particularly draining because of its fine motor demands. The study found that students with ADHD exhibited slower handwriting speeds than did neurotypical students, which slowed their transcription speed. By contrast, no differences in typing speed were found between the ADHD and non-ADHD groups.

The researchers urge students with handwriting challenges to explore the use of a keyboard which, “may free up cognitive resources during the notetaking process and provide opportunity for in-the-moment encoding benefits.”

Sources

¹Shimko, G. A., & James, K. H. (2025). The effects of notetaking modality and symptoms of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) on learning. Educational Psychology, 1–20. https://doi.org/10.1080/01443410.2025.2493257

²Vekaria, P. C., & Peverly, S. T. (2018). Lecture note-taking in postsecondary students with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. Reading and Writing: An Interdisciplinary Journal, 31(7), 1551–1573. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11145-018-9849-2

³Gleason, J. D. (2012). An Investigation of the Note-Taking Skills of Adolescents with and without Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD): An Extension of Previous Research (Doctoral dissertation, Columbia University).

⁴Di Vesta, F. J., & Gray, G. S. (1972). Listening and note taking. Journal of Educational Psychology, 63(1), 8–14. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0032243

A: Young people, and particularly neurodivergent students, should absolutely explore and question whether they’re truly ready for college. During the COVID-19 pandemic, we saw a dramatic rise in the number of students who deferred their college admissions and took a gap year. It was a good option then, and it remains a good option now for many.

A gap year refers to a period of time, typically after graduating from high school and before starting college, when a student takes a break from formal education to pursue activities like volunteering, working, or traveling.

[Q: How Do I Know If My Teen Is Really Ready for College?]

When we think about whether a gap year is right for a student, we look at several factors:

• Academic readiness: Is the student excited to tackle college course material or do they feel burned out?
• Motivational readiness: Is the student driven to live on their own and manage the rigors of college? Are they emotionally prepared for an environment that is less structured than high school?
• Self-regulation: Does the student have a healthy sleep routine and lifestyle? Are they taking their medication on their own? If unmonitored, will they be on their devices all the time, interfering with their ability to study?

[Q: Is My Teen Taking the Easy Way Out by Deferring College?]

I would approach the conversation with your teen from a strengths-based perspective and frame the gap year as an advantage. You might say: “You are very capable of doing well and succeeding in college. I want to make sure that you reach your full potential. Taking a gap year is not about delaying college. It is about setting you up for long-term success in your future career and life. We are not derailing your college plans; we are just finding an alternate way to get there. With this extra time, you will be in a stronger position to achieve your career goals and make the most of your education.”

If you are financially supporting their college education, you could add: “College is a significant investment, and I want to make sure it is money well spent. You have so much potential, and this extra time will help you maximize your experience.”

Invite your teen into the conversation and acknowledge their concerns, especially if they’re worried about what others might think. Reassure them that, in the long run, a gap year can position them for greater success.

Gap Year Decisions: Next Steps:

• Read: Gap Year Programs for ADHD Students
• Watch: “Gap Year Pros and Cons for Neurodivergent Students”
• Read: The 4-Year College Track is Not Right for Everyone

Carolyn Jeppsen is CEO and co-founder of BroadFutures, a nonprofit created to fund internships for neurodivergent youth.

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Use the examples below to help you explain ADHD to your child in easy-to-understand language that diminishes shame and accentuates strengths.

Executive Dysfunction: A Short-Staffed Airport Control Tower

Our brains are like busy airports with control towers that guide the airplanes of executive function — planning, prioritizing, organizing, managing time, and other skills that help us get through everyday life — to take off and land smoothly.

Except the ADHD brain’s control tower isn’t always well-staffed. It often feels like you’re the only one who showed up to work! You scurry around ensuring that airplanes take off and land without incident — a feat that requires enormous amounts of energy. Sometimes, airplanes become delayed in their take off, or fail to take off altogether.

This is called executive dysfunction. It’s why an ordinary day at school feels so exhausting for you, and why some things may seem harder for you than for your classmates.

How to Support Executive Function Skills: Next Steps

• Read: Your Child’s 7 Executive Functions — and How to Boost Them
• Read: How to Sharpen Executive Functions — Activities to Hone Brain Skills
• Free Download: Common Executive Function Challenges — and Solutions

Regulation: A Volume Button (Sometimes) Gone Haywire

Do you sometimes feel absolutely stuck, unable to get started on your homework even though everyone tells you to “just do it?” Does it ever feel difficult to wind down and get to sleep?

If you answered yes, your brain’s volume button may be stuck or off kilter. The volume buttons in our brains help us regulate and moderate energy, emotions, appetite, sleep, and activity levels. In ADHD brains, the volume button sometimes gets jammed, or it develops a mind of its own, tuning to sound levels that don’t match your commands.

You know your volume button is at zero when it feels impossible to get anything done. It looks like a lack of motivation and procrastination. Maybe you have no appetite, and you struggle to get out of bed.

Sometimes, for no reason in particular, your brain’s volume button will ramp up to 100. Big feelings will flood your brain, your appetite will surge, and it will feel impossible to stop scrolling through social media or to turn off your video game. Even falling asleep will be difficult with a mind that is going full blast.

Self-Regulation: Next Steps

• Read: How to Teach Emotional Regulation Skills
• Read: How to Motivate an Unmotivated Teenager
• Read: Why Task Switching is Difficult for ADHD Brains — and 7 Ways to Smooth Transitions

Sensory Sensitivity: Operating with No Filter

Every minute of every day, our brains filter through sensory input from inside and outside of our bodies. But the filters in ADHD brains are sometimes unreliable — allowing too much or too little information to break through. Often, every little input is received and processed in your brain, making you ultra-sensitive to things like how clothes feel on your body, the intensity of certain smells, the lighting in your classroom, and other sensations. Everything competes for your attention.

This is why hanging out with friends can feel so tiring sometimes. It’s not that you don’t like spending time with them, it’s just that your brain heightens the sensations of everything around you, draining you of your energy as you try to handle competing stimuli.

Sensory Sensitivities: Next Steps

• Read: What Is Your Child’s Sensory Profile?
• Read: Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Sticky!
• Free Download: Sensory Issues — Triggers, Symptoms & Types of SPD

Rumination: A Sticky Gearbox

We all have bad days. To move past challenges, you rely on your brain’s gearbox to shift out of negative thinking and cruise into a lighter perspective. If you find that you’re stuck in loops of negative, toxic thoughts, it’s because your gearbox is sticking — a common problem in ADHD due to emotional dysregulation. Once you notice what’s happening, strategies from cognitive behavioral therapy can be incredibly helpful in getting you unstuck.

How to Shift to Healthier Thoughts: Next Steps

• Read: How Do I Teach My Teen to Manage Emotions?
• Read: When Your Child Wants to Give Up
• Read: How Can I Help My Teen Adopt a Growth Mindset?

How to Explain ADHD to Kids and Teens: More Resources

• Free Download: 5 Ways to Build Self-Advocacy Skills
• Read: Your Brain Is a Ferrari
• Read: How Do You Talk to Your Child About ADHD? Advice from Fellow Parents
• Read: Your Brain Is Amazing! 5 Things All Neurodivergent Teens Need to Hear

The content for this article was derived, in part, from the ADDitude ADHD Experts webinar titled, “The Emotional Lives of Girls with ADHD [Video Replay & Podcast #488]“ with Lotta Borg Skoglund, M.D., Ph.D., which was broadcast on January 23, 2024.

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Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Reserve your spot in this free webinar, and get the event replay link plus a 15% discount to ADDitude magazine

Not available June 17th? Don’t worry. Register now and we’ll send you the replay link to watch at your convenience.

Summer is tricky. The break from school is liberating and renewing, but for children with ADHD, the long days and lack of structure can lead to meltdowns and screentime overuse — common complaints among parents. With the right strategies and thoughtful routines, however, caregivers can build the summer-specific structure needed to ease transitions, encourage ongoing organization, and smooth the bumps of school break.

In this interactive webinar, viewers will have the opportunity to ask questions to Dave Anderson, Ph.D., an expert in child behavioral development, and gain practical strategies to create a balanced summer routine that promotes fun and reduces stress.

In this webinar, you will learn:

• How to maintain a semi-structured schedule that supports consistency and reduces anxiety
• Effective strategies to help manage kids’ video game and other tech device use
• How to set realistic goals for your child and use small rewards to encourage progress
• The importance of fostering your child’s independence while maintaining behavioral boundaries for a smooth, enjoyable summer.

Have a question for our expert? There will be an opportunity to post questions for the presenter during the live webinar.

Summer Activities and ADHD: Resources

• Free Download: Your Guide to a Smarter Summer
• Read: How to Survive Summer Vacation
• Read: Summer Survival Guide for Parents of Extreme Children
• Read: The Best Summer Is a Strategized Summer
• eBook: Your ADHD Summer Survival Guide

Meet the Expert Speaker

Dave Anderson, Ph.D., is Vice President, Public Engagement and Education; and Senior Psychologist, ADHD and Behavior Disorders Center, at the Child Mind Institute.

Dr. Anderson specializes in evaluating and treating children and adolescents with ADHD and behavior disorders. He also has broad experience with anxiety and mood disorders. His expertise includes cognitive behavioral therapy, behavioral parent training, school-based consultation, and classroom behavioral support. Dr. Anderson is devoted to ensuring that patients receive innovative, cutting-edge care tailored to each family’s specific needs.

Certificate of Attendance: For information on how to purchase the certificate of attendance option (cost $10), register for the webinar, then look for instructions in the email you’ll receive one hour after it ends. The certificate of attendance link will also be available here, on the webinar replay page, several hours after the live webinar. ADDitude does not offer CEU credits.

Closed captions available.

When I became a mom, I realized that people with ADHD do not tolerate lack of sleep and changes in routine. My impaired executive functioning — poor time management, procrastination, emotional dysregulation — made motherhood acutely difficult. Societal expectations (i.e., women should have the perfect house and perfect kids and bake endless cookies) sparked feelings of isolation.

3 Ways to Cope with ADHD

Here are some approaches I’ve learned over the years that can help mothers with ADHD today.

[Get This Free Guide: ADHD Diagnosis for Women]

1. Ask for help. Seeking backup is not a reflection of poor parenting or a sign of weakness. Dump any unhealthy, unrealistic expectations for yourself.
2. Reframe negativity. You’re not hyperactive; you’re energetic. You’re not disorganized; you’re spontaneous. If someone calls you moody, explain that sensitive people make for empathetic friends
3. Practice self-care. Put yourself first. Get up before your kids to enjoy a quiet workout or breakfast. Do what makes you feel grounded before you take on the day’s responsibilities.

Reframing Negative Thoughts: Next Steps

• Free Download: Get a Grip on Tough Emotions
• Read: “Women Need Better, More Accurate Diagnostic Tools for ADHD”
• Read: Putting a Stop to Negative Thoughts
• Read: “We Demand Attention on the Health Consequences of Delayed ADHD Diagnoses on Women”

Terry Matlen, LMSW, ACSW,  is a psychotherapist, consultant, and author. She has 25 years of experience helping women with ADHD.

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Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.